“And?”
“Bryan’s dirty fat cock was pumping in and out of his mouth.” I risked a glance at Derek. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open. I don’t think he’d been expecting that. But truthfully, I’d never seen it coming either.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Fuck me!” For a moment, Derek just held me a little tighter. “You had no idea?”
I forced a smile. “None at all.”
“Okay, so Phillip was a douche. But how does that…”
“I’m getting there. So, I don’t know how long I stood there with my mouth hanging open. It wasn’t like I wanted to watch, it was more my feet wouldn’t carry me away. I mean, this was my place. I don’t know what they did at theirs or how long it had been going on, but I couldn’t believe it. They didn’t notice me at first. Not until the shriek came out of my mouth. Phillip let go of Bryan and looked over at me. As guilt flushed over his face, Bryan tucked himself away with a sleazy, satisfied smirk on his face. Looking back, part of me thinks he planned the whole thing. I don’t know. The moment my feet decided they could move though, I was barrelling down the hallway and back onto the street. Phillip followed me out, calling my name, but I couldn’t talk to him. I just had to get away. So, I took off as fast as I could.”
“What happened, Mia?”
Unashamedly tears streaked down my face and over my cheeks. As embarrassing as it had been to tell Derek that my boyfriend of three years who supposedly loved me got caught sucking his roommate’s cock in my lounge room, the next bit would hurt even more.
“I didn’t know where to go next. I mean, they were at my place, so obviously I couldn’t go back there. I didn’t want to go to my parents, ’cause they’d ask too many questions. Questions I wasn’t ready to answer. And Josie was still overseas. Honestly, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what happened. It was like it was my fault.”
“Nothing about what happened was your fault, Mia. I hope you know that.” His voice was firm and commanding and left no room for argument.
I sighed heavily, “I do now. At the time though, I was nineteen. Everything about it was my fault.”
“Keep going…tell me the rest, Mia. I’m here. I’m not letting go.”
“Promise?” In that moment I was a needy girl. I needed Derek to hold me and not let go no matter what came next. I didn’t even care how pathetic that made me look.
“Promise!”
“I walked. Night fell and I just kept walking. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. For a while I just walked around the shops, feeling completely alone while surrounded by strangers. It was what I needed. It was late and I knew I had to go back. I’d turned my phone off as soon as I’d fled, but I needed to know he was gone. The last thing I thought I could handle was walking in there and seeing Phillip waiting to talk. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him. Fuck, I didn’t even want to think about him. Every time I did, that image was burned in my brain. Even now, telling you, I can see it. It’s like something I can never unsee.”
“What happened?”
“I walked home. Everything they tell you is true, you know. Don’t be alone at night. Don’t put yourself in those situations. But when you’re in them, you don’t remember any of it. I was maybe a hundred metres from my building when it happened. I never saw their faces and I’m thankful for that. I know there were two of them. They were so much bigger than me. Stronger. And they stunk. Like dirt and sweat and beer. It was disgusting.” Even now my stomach was rolling at the memory. “I had one of those shoulder bags, you know the ones that you drape across you to keep your hands free?”
“I know the ones,” Derek confirmed, his jaw tight with tension.
My confession was taking a toll on him. Everything about him showed me that. I could hear his teeth grinding. I could feel his muscles bunched up beneath me. Everything about him was taut…except his grip on me. That hadn’t changed. He still held me in his lap like I was the most precious thing in his world.
“One of them grabbed me from behind and put his hand over my mouth before he lifted me off my feet like I weighed nothing at all. I remember trying to fight back, but I was too little. The other yanked my bag so roughly I was flung out of the other guy’s arms and went flailing to the ground. They just wanted my bag. I think they were high. They were definitely drunk. Everything they said was slurred. My bag wouldn’t come loose, though. I wished the leather strap would break, but every time they pulled at it, it just bit into my skin. When I spotted the blade of a knife I thought this was over. All of it was over. One of them kicked me hard in the ribs. I didn’t remember much after that. I remember the pain overtaking my body and then blackness.”
“Fuck, Mia.” Derek’s eyes were filled with tears. The pity was there but there was something else too. Something I didn’t recognize immediately. “That’s why the gym is what it is.” It wasn’t a question. He understood. He got it. He got me. It was as scary as hell.
I felt claustrophobic in his arms. I needed some space. I wasn’t running, I just needed a break. When I tried to get out of Derek’s grasp, I was bowled over by how easy it was to get him to let go. Maybe a little disappointed too. I couldn’t show that, though. Not right now. Right now I had to push through the pain and the fear and finish. I had no intention of going through this twice.
“When I woke up in hospital they didn’t know who I was. Imagine waking up alone in a hospital bed, with the name plate above you reading ‘Jane Doe.’I didn’t want to be Jane Doe. It was so cold. So clinical. But they had no choice. They’d taken everything. The chain that hung around my neck, the one my grandma had given me on my eighteenth birthday. They took my bag, my phone, my watch. My ID was gone. I gave them my name and they offered to call my parents. But before…before they got there, I needed to know. My Mum, she’s emotional and I needed to hear it before she did. I needed to be prepared. That’s when they told me.”
I pulled back the heavy grey curtains and looked over the parking lot. Nothing was happening outside. All the turmoil was in here. In this room. Inside me. I spun around and took in Derek. He looked like he wanted to kill someone. He probably did. And I loved him for it. He wanted to protect me from everything. The tight, rage-filled look on his face encouraged me to finish.
“I had four broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a concussion. They’d used me as their punching bag. They’d kicked me and hit me and broken me. Those were the easy injuries to deal with. Some of their blows had been directly to my stomach and kidneys. They’d done a lot of damage. By the time I was found, I was bleeding pretty badly. They rushed me straight in for surgery to do what they could. They saved my life…” I was sobbing now, struggling to get the words out. “But they couldn’t save everything. I was bleeding so badly. They…they…”
“Mia…it’s okay. I’m right here, Tinkerbell.” His voice racked under the strain. He stood up and clenched his fists at his side before burying them in his pockets.
“I had a full hysterectomy. They had no choice. It was either that, or I wouldn’t be here.”
“And I’m glad you are.”
At his words I launched myself at him. Luckily, Derek had lightning fast reflexes and caught me the moment I jumped in his arms. With my arms wound around his neck, I locked my legs around his waist. He wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t letting go. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, and I felt the warm tears on my skin. Pulling his head back by the hair at the nape of his neck, I forced him to look me in the eye. He didn’t blink. I asked the question I didn’t know I was brave enough to ask. “Do you mean that?”
Holding my breath, I could swear my heart stopped while I waited for his answer.
“Absolutely, Tinkerbell. I want to rip those bastards apart for what they did to you. For what they took from you. But right now, I just don’t want to let you go. Please, fuck, please, don’t ask me to let you go.”
I exhaled.
For the first time since it happened, I felt like I was in the right place at the right time. Derek was right. We had a future. It may not have been the one he pictured in the beginning, but it was sure as hell going to be a fun ride.
“Never.” I kissed him with everything I had.
