Feeling my legs wobble beneath me at the internal confession, I fell backwards into a chair, suddenly grateful it was so close. For years the gym, my gym, had been my lifeline. It had given me meaning. Purpose. On those days when I didn’t think I could get out of bed, those days where even getting dressed seemed too hard, the gym was the one thing in my world that forced me to get up and fight harder. Push the black dog aside and fight. I had to. It was mine and mine alone. If I didn’t fight to make it a success, no one else would. I couldn’t just close the doors and leave the lights off because I didn’t feel like it today. Doing that wouldn’t pay the bills. But now something else had taken the number one priority in my life. I wanted love. That type of love which swept you off your feet and made your heart race. The type of love that made you stupid and irrational and completely crazy, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. I wanted someone to love me as if I was their world. Like they couldn’t breathe without me. Like I mattered. I wanted what Zoe and Derek had.
For a few quiet moments I sat with my head in my hands and sucked in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. Letting my eyes fall closed, I just needed a moment. Just a second that was mine. When a large warm hand settled on my exposed shoulder, I shot to my feet.
“Are you all right, Mia?” Derek’s voice was filled with worry.
It took a moment for my eyes to settle and fully take in the scene in front of me. Derek and Zoe’s hands were clasped together tightly, while his other was wrapped around my arm, holding me steady on my traitorous feet. I opened my mouth to reply but the words stuck. Snapping it shut, instead I just nodded softly.
“What are you girls doing here?” Derek asked, his voice soft and anxious. It felt like a warm hug as his words settled around me.
“I…w-we…” I was stuttering like an idiot. I hated myself. Why did he leave me breathless? Maybe it was because he looked so damn sexy standing there in his tux, or maybe it was seeing him so emotionally vulnerable that it broke my heart. Whichever it was, I knew one hundred percent I wanted this man. The cost was inconsequential.
“I had to be here, Derek.” Zoe’s voice was so meek I barely caught her words. Nevertheless, there was the truth. It didn’t matter how much this night destroyed them both, it was a fact. Zoe needed to be here. She didn’t need Derek to protect her from that, she needed his support, and probably his shoulder to cry on, but she didn’t need him to hide it from her.
“Zoe…”
“Please, Derek. I know you’re worried about me, and honestly, I’m worried about me too, but right now, right now I have to do this. And not for Spencer, he would have hated all of this…”
“You’re right about that, Zoe,” Jenna added as she stepped to Zoe’s side and wrapped her arm around her waist, holding her close. “He hated these types of events. And he hated nothing more than being the centre of the attention. Now he has a damn trophy named after him.”
“He deserves it.”
Zoe’s words were simple but they said everything. I watched as she toyed with the diamond ring that hung on a gold chain around her neck. I’d never seen it before, but she was adamant it was coming with us tonight. So much so that even though we’d already driven twenty minutes down the road when she realized she’d left it behind, she started hyperventilating until I agreed to turn the car around and go back for it. I didn’t have to ask to know who’d given it to her. The way she stared at it, so full of pain and love, there was no need.
“That he does,” Derek added as he dropped a chaste kiss on Zoe’s forehead. She closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into him.
“Thank you, Derek.”
“What for?”
“Everything. You…you saved me. Even when I didn’t want to be saved. You’ve protected me from everything and everyone, even myself for so long. I know I’ll never be able to repay you for giving up your life for me, but you need to know if I could, I would. I love you, Derek Cartwright. You’re a good man. You deserve to be happy…”
Derek dropped his hold on me and suddenly I felt cold and alone as I watched Derek yank Zoe into his arms and crush her to his chest. “I love you too, Pippi. Nothing and no one will ever change that.” It was a promise. A promise I couldn’t compete with. I wouldn’t.
