Chapter 30
Mia
I felt sick. Like I physically wanted to throw up pancakes all over the coffee table. I tried to wriggle from Derek’s grasp, but he was holding tight. Everything he said made perfect sense…it really did. But the stupid, insecure girl inside of me wouldn’t shut up, wondering where I fitted in with his life plan. I mean, with each word he spoke, the more I realized that I couldn’t be the girl he built a life with.
“Home.” I choked the word out. It tasted bitter on my tongue.
I was the biggest idiot on the planet. Of course he wouldn’t be thinking about me while he weighed up the pros and cons of returning to the life he’d always wanted. The life he’d put on hold to help a friend. Zoe was one lucky bitch. And I’d happily remind her of that next time I saw her.
“Yeah, it’s my home.”
I fought harder for my freedom. I saw the look of confusion cross Derek’s face, but he relented, letting me scramble from his lap. I knew the words I needed to say. It didn’t mean I wanted to, yet they had to be said. Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I tried to hold myself together. It was stupid. I was stupid. I barely knew Derek. We’d had two dates. It was hardly a life-altering relationship. Only in my head was it something more. Something much more. I couldn’t be pissed at Derek for not being where I was. I shouldn’t. It didn’t mean I wasn’t, though. Unable to look at him, I stared out the window, watching the fluffy white clouds float across the sky. “Then you should go home.”
A heavy silence hung over the room, suffocating me. I couldn’t turn around. I didn’t want to see the relief on his face. I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to cry. I wanted to leap into Derek’s arms so he could assure me that all the thoughts I was having, all the ideas skating through my head were wrong. He didn’t say a word. My heart shattered in my chest. I felt the exact moment it splintered into a thousand tiny pieces. Nothing had ever hurt like that before.
Sucking in the deepest breath I could manage, I spun around and looked at him. He was hunched over on the lounge, staring at the floor. It was almost as if he was searching for answers in the floorboards. Like they held a secret. Straightening my spine, I walked past him and collected my bag from his room, swiftly changing my shirt before making my way back to the main room. He hadn’t moved. Not an inch. I didn’t know if he was going to. The romantic daydreamer inside of me prayed he’d leap from the couch and beg me not to go. That I’d gotten it wrong. That he wasn’t letting me go. That he wasn’t going to watch me leave.
He didn’t flinch.
Summoning all the strength I had, and some I wasn’t aware that I did, I moved towards him and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Not once did he look up. “Go home, Derek. Be happy,” I whispered before I moved through the house and out the front door.
Luckily, I was able to hold the tears until I reached fresh air.
Somehow I managed to stumble my way out to the street and climb in my car. Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the car park across from the gym. I couldn’t remember anything about the drive across town. I hate that my heart hurt. That my head hurt. This was the reason I stayed in my bubble. It might be lonely, but it was better than this. Anything was better than this.
Grabbing my bag from the backseat, I headed inside, needing to punch something. Today was not my day. The moment I stepped into the change room, I found it was deserted, except for one person. The one person, more than any other, I wanted to avoid right now. Zoe. None of this was her fault and I knew it, but I still blamed her. I couldn’t help it. Everything was her fault. She was responsible for bringing Derek into my town. My gym. My life. My heart. I had to blame someone. Unfortunately for Zoe, she was it.
I had no idea how much she knew, but I knew it wasn’t my place to be the one to tell her. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you here today.” She grinned smugly.
I knew what she was thinking. Hell, in my mind, I’d planned to be spending the day very differently too. “Yeah. After all those chocolates and ice cream last night I need to burn off those calories!” I lied, wiping my eyes. I hoped there was no trace of my misery on my face.
“Great. Well, I’m heading home. Have fun!”
“Zoe?”
I don’t know what caused me to call her back. Perhaps it was my own misery that made me want to shield her. Perhaps it was knowing what Derek had done and given up to help her through the past couple of months.
“Yep?” Zoe spun around, curiosity etched on her face.
“Want a job?”
“What?”
“Do you want a job?”
“What? Here?”
“Yeah.”
“Doing what? I mean, you know I’m not qualified or trained to do…well, anything really.”
Inwardly I cringed. This girl had no faith in herself. I knew why Derek was always around to protect her. It was infectious. If he was leaving, someone else would need to look out for her. Zoe was too good of a person to let fall apart. She’d been through enough. It was time for her to have a life filled with good stuff.
“The admin stuff. Honestly, I hate it. It takes up time I don’t have. I’m shit at it. More than anything I want some time to do other things. For the last couple of years, my whole life revolved around getting this place off the ground. I kinda want a minute to just…breathe.”
“And maybe spend time with a certain someone?” Zoe teased.
I offered her a weak smile. It was all I could muster. “What do you think?”
