Chapter 22
Mia
He looked at me like I was a freak. I hated it. I hated the way he was watching me like there was something wrong with me. This was exactly why I lived my life the way I did. Most people didn’t agree with it, they didn’t understand it, but I didn’t care. I didn’t have to. Having my rules, my walls, this was what I was trying to avoid. The odd looks. The pity. Fuck, I knew there was something wrong with me. I didn’t need someone pointing it out. There was a lot wrong with me.
All I wanted to do was escape into the bathroom and have a shower so hot that it burnt off the lingering fears that clung to my skin. But Derek was standing there, sincerity written all over his sexy face. He wanted to help me. Desperately. As much as it pained me to do so, I reached out and dropped my hand into his. I half expected him to pull me to him and crush me against his chest. Yet Derek surprised me. Again. He didn’t move a muscle. It was like his feet were planted where he stood. They remained unmoving. Cemented in place. Instead, he rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand soundlessly. Back and forth. Up and down. In small circles. Just when I thought I’d be able to predict the next pattern, he’d change it up and knock me off balance. His eyes never once left my hand. It was oddly comforting and exactly what I never knew I needed.
Truthfully, this guy was scaring the shit out of me. How could he possibly know precisely what I needed in the moment I needed it? He didn’t even know why I was freaking the fuck out.
“Derek…”
“Yeah?” He looked up at me with huge, reassuring eyes.
“Can you do something for me?”
“Sure,” he agreed. He didn’t want to. But he did. The hesitation in his voice revealed the truth. “What do you need?”
“Can you…” Fuck, this was embarrassing. I didn’t want to ask. I hated being this person. This was the person I’d been running from for so long. Yet here she was, back with a vengeance. Back to humiliate me right when I didn’t need it. “Can you hold me while I fall asleep?” As the words fell from my mouth, I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t bear to see rejection. On top of everything else, that would be too much right now.
Derek didn’t answer me. At least, not with words. Instead, he intertwined our fingers and led me back towards my bed before pulling back the covers. Everything this guy did was just so damn…nice. Most people hated the word nice…usually I did, it was a nothing word. With Derek though, somehow it just fit. Don’t get me wrong, he was sexy as sin, and boiled my blood like no one I’d ever met. And he was funny, and smart, and caring, and a whole bunch of other wonderful things, but nice seemed to dominate them all.
“Climb in.” I did without a word. As soon as my head hit the pillow, a loud yawn escaped me. “Get some sleep, Tinkerbell.”
“You’re not leaving, are you?” I panicked, suddenly wide awake again.
He chuckled, and the sound of his laughter settled my stomach. Derek didn’t know, and he probably never would, but that one simple laugh made everything better. Easier. “No. You asked me to hold you, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“Oh. Okay.” I felt the smile tug on my lips and hoped Derek didn’t see it. He didn’t need to. He clicked off the lamp and laid down beside me. Something was off, though. I felt the heaviness of his arm settle around my waist and the warmth of his breath against my neck. I wish I could say it was a hard one to figure out, but it was actually embarrassing simple. Derek hadn’t slipped beneath the blankets. Instead he was lying on top. It pissed me off. It was almost like he was afraid to get too close.
“Mia…” his voice was barely a whisper.
“Mmmm.”
“One day, will you tell me what I did wrong?”
Fuck it! I hated this shit! He thought he’d done something. It explained why he was trying to keep his distance. The only reason I was lying in his arms right now was because I don’t think it was actually in his DNA for him to say no. Not to me, not to anyone. It’s just who he was. Something I both loved and hated about him.
“Promise.”
As soon as I confirmed his request, a kiss landed in my hair. “Sleep now, Tinkerbell. It’s late.” I didn’t have the energy to argue. Instead, I nestled in against him, safe in his arms, and drifted off, unable to wipe the contentment from my face.
Morning came all too soon for my liking. With everything that had been going on last night, I’d forgotten to pull the curtains closed, and now the morning sun burned me from my bed. Rolling over, I expected to find Derek still there beside me, but instead cool sheets were all that greeted me.
I heard the groan burst from my lips before I knew what I was doing. The disappointment was crushing, and it scared the shit out of me. I don’t know why I wanted Derek to still be beside me, all I knew is I did. And he wasn’t. And I was pissed.
Grabbing the abandoned pillow, I pulled it over my head and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing the morning would go away so I could get back to the dream I’d been enjoying. A dream about the man whose scent was everywhere. It was heaven. It was hell. It was pure fucking torture. For ten minutes I tossed and turned, willing my mind to calm enough for me to drift off, but peace wouldn’t come. Frustrated and horny, I climbed from my bed and stomped into the bathroom before stepping under the cool water. I needed to cool off and get my shit together.
Afterwards, I made myself some breakfast and stripped my bed. I knew there was no way I’d sleep tonight with Derek’s scent clinging to my sheets. Feeling domestic and on a roll, I cleaned out my wardrobe, tossing away clothes I hadn’t worn in forever, some of which still sported their tags. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t distract my mind long enough to calm the storm brewing. I wanted an explanation. Derek drove me crazy like no one ever had. He’d shown up on my doorstop in the middle of the storm with a determination I’d never seen before, just to make sure his words were understood. I proceeded to fall asleep in his arms, then I wake up alone. I didn’t like it. Not one fucking bit.
With frustration eating me alive, I went hunting for my phone, needing to vent. I needed Josie. This is what sisters were for, after all.
Mia: Busy?
It took longer than I hoped for her response to come. Maybe it was because I was anxious. Maybe it was because I needed her. As the minutes ticked by, the more my annoyance grated on me. While I waited for her, I wandered aimlessly. I tossed a load of clothes in the machine before shuffling back into my bedroom, and that’s when my eyes fell on it.
Hanging on the back of the chair in the corner was Derek’s jacket.
I hated the euphoria that flooded me.
