Chapter 19
Derek
Putting distance between us was the hardest thing I think I’d ever done. No, sorry, I was wrong. The hardest thing was my dick right now, which was physically crippling me as it pressed into my zipper. I was almost certain I’d be sporting a zipper indentation for the rest of my days, but that’s what this tiny pixie did to me. Turned me on more than I ever thought possible. And as much as I wanted to yank her into my lap and steal every breath in her beautiful little body, I had to let her out of the car. Tonight.
“G-goodnight,” she mumbled, grabbing her bag and jumping from the car, disappointment written all over her face.
The door shut a little harder than necessary, and I let out the breath I was holding. The whole fucking car smelt like her…something I was in no hurry to get rid of. I watched as she made her way down the drive and unlocked the door. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping she’d throw one last glance over her shoulder, or a wave goodbye. Hell, I’d even take a sad little smile. Something. Anything.
I got nothing.
She unlocked the door and disappeared inside.
Without anything.
Slightly annoyed, I revved the engine harder than I should have and headed home. I needed to go home, grab a beer, and watch some dumb ass action movie?anything to distract me from the pixie blonde, otherwise I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight. I had to come down first.
Walking through the door, I expected the house to be quiet and dark, but the lights were on and the TV was blaring. I hoped Zoe hadn’t waited up for me so she could dig for details about my night. As much as I loved the girl, I had absolutely zero interest in sitting down and gossiping about it with her. I wasn’t a chick. As I rounded the corner though, my eyes fell on her and I swear my breath hitched and suddenly I understood Mia’s reservations.
Zoe was Zoe. She always would be. She’d never be more. She’d never be less. But she was beautiful, even if she couldn’t see it. Stretched out on the lounge in the shortest shorts known to man, she was all pale, toned legs and soft, smooth skin. Combined with the thin shirt with nothing underneath, I could see her damn nipples poking out at me. Zoe was perfect. All sweetness and innocence. I could see why Mia would be worried. The funny thing was though, as gorgeous as she was, with her eyes closed, her mouth open, snoring softly, she did absolutely nothing for me. My blood didn’t boil. My heart didn’t race. My cock didn’t rise to the occasion. She was just Zoe.
Grabbing the blanket from the back of the lounge, I covered her up and began switching off the lights. It wasn’t until I clicked off the TV that her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at me for the first time.
“Hi there, Sleeping Beauty,” I taunted, smiling down at her.
“What time is it?” she mumbled, as she stretched out like a cat after a long nap.
“Almost one.”
“Oh.”
“Come on. You should go to bed and get some real sleep.” I offered her my hand, which she took without hesitation, and together we walked to her room.
Without thinking, I walked into her bedroom, pulled back the covers, and watched as she scooted underneath before tucking them tight around her. “Sweet dreams, Pippi.” I kissed her forehead before stepping over the mountain of abandoned clothes as I headed for the door.
“Hey Derek?”
“Yeah?” I answered, turning around.
“Did you have a good time tonight?”
I felt the smile tug at my lips, the heat fill my cheeks, and I was suddenly thankful for the darkness that encased us. “Yeah, I did. I really did. Thanks, Zoe.”
Her eyes closed and I heard her sigh as the blankets ruffled. She was obviously tired. Without opening her eyes, Zoe’s voice came out of the darkness, deep and husky, “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy, Derek. Love you.”
I choked.
I don’t know if it was on the air I was trying to breathe in. I don’t know if it was on the words that stuck in my throat that I couldn’t get out. Or the deep thoughts in my head that were now bouncing around like toddlers on crack. With her simple, sleepy words, Zoe had torn my cracked heart wide open, and for the first time I felt like I was about to shatter into a million pieces.
As fast as my legs could carry me, I scurried away from her room, yanking her door shut behind me. A moment later, I found myself in the kitchen cradling the bottle of Jack Daniels I’d kept hidden in the top cupboard for emergencies. I’d bought it months ago for myself, but hadn’t cracked the lid. Just after we’d moved into the new place, Zoe wasn’t doing well, and I was feeling like shit. I couldn’t help her. I could barely help myself. When shit had gotten hard in the past, I’d shown up at Spencer’s and we’d have some beers, talk some crap, and sort it out. But I couldn’t do that anymore. He was gone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and I needed someone. Jack was all I had. But when I’d come home, holding the brown paper bag, I’d spotted Zoe sitting in the chair on the back porch staring at nothing. Instead of taking the swig I’d been salivating for the whole drive home, I’d stashed it away, hoping she’d never find it, and gone out to see her.
Tonight though, tonight she was tucked away safely in her bed. She didn’t need me. Not right this moment. This moment was mine. Mine alone. I needed it. Grabbing the bottle by the neck, I stepped out onto the patio, slumped into the chair, and broke the plastic seal. It echoed across the yard, and I felt myself holding my breath, waiting for Zoe to come barrelling through the door demanding to know what I was thinking. Why I was being so stupid. Hell, part of me wished she would. Maybe she could make sense of all the bullshit bouncing about my head.
Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I tipped the bottle and took a healthy gulp. It burnt the whole way down, but it was a good burn. The burn I needed. The burn I craved. Jack was working his magic as only Jack could. Another couple, and I was starting to feel lighter. Or maybe I was starting to not feel at all. And that felt good too. By the time I set the bottle on the ground beside me, a third was already gone. Running my hand over my face, I was stunned when my fingers came away damp. It wasn’t what I’d been expecting, but it was undeniable.
When my heavy, sleep-crusted eyes opened, I was covered in a layer of cool, damp dew. My head was pounding and it was bright. Too fucking bright. It took a moment for me to figure it out, but once I spied the bottle lying on its side on the ground beside me, I knew the headache and the mouth that tasted like I imagined ass would, were well and truly deserved. I had downed more than two thirds of the bottle. Straight. On my own.
“Grrr,” I groaned as I rubbed my hands over face, feeling the stubble on my chin.
