Chapter 18
Mia
Well, fuck me sideways! What the hell was I supposed to do with that? I wasn’t usually a jealous person. I really wasn’t. Green was so not my colour. I didn’t like it and I hated the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. All night that single strand of hair had been taunting me. I’d bit my tongue, willing myself not to shut up and just go with it. The dumb thing is, the moment I spotted it on his shirt, I knew exactly who it belonged to. There was no question. No doubt. Of course it was Zoe’s. Who else’s would it be? For three quarters of the movie, my fingers had been itching to reach out and just pull it off and let it float away on the wind. Instead, I balled my fists and did nothing. Then things got out of control. I got out of control in the car and I blurted it out. Once the words were out, I couldn’t take them back. I watched as Derek’s face contorted in pain, frustration, and annoyance, but I couldn’t unsay them. Then the more pissed off he got, the more the jealous bitch inside of me took hold and I found myself not wanting to take them back. Now here we were in some creepy parking lot, in the dark, arguing over the future. A future I wasn’t even sure we had.
“Derek, look at me,” I snapped as forcefully as I could.
I watched as he huffed out the breath he was holding and dropped his hands on his hips. It was like he was fortifying himself for a punch he knew was coming. I guess in his line of work, it was a habit he couldn’t break. Shaking off the heavy thought, I forced my attention back to the task at hand.
“Just say it.” His voice was deep, velvety, and wrapped around me like a blanket. Even if I wanted to walk away from him, with a voice like that and with those wide, sad, puppy dog eyes watching my every move, there was no fucking chance.
“I get it. I had coffee with Zoe and she told me everything.”
“Everything?”
The shock on his face was almost comical. I don’t know if I should have taken it as a compliment or been extremely offended. Was he surprised that Zoe had opened up to someone or me in particular?
“Yeah, I mean, I think so. It was a pretty horrific story, so I wasn’t going to pester her for more info, you know.”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck roughly and my whole body shivered. I wanted those large hands rubbing my neck. And not just my neck. Although now was not the time to have those sorts of thoughts.
“I get it, I really do. You and Zoe are a package deal. And I can’t imagine anyone wanting to split that up. Honestly, if anyone ever does, can you call me? Because I seriously want tickets to that shit!” I couldn’t help it. The mood needed to be lightened, and if I had to provide the comic relief, well then, that’s what I was here for. When Derek’s stoic face cracked into a wide, toothy smile, everything felt like it would be okay again. I don’t know how I knew that or why I believed it, but I just did. It felt fucking fantastic?and it scared the shit out of me.
“You do?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
“But you said…”
“Yeah, I did. But you took what I said and jumped to the conclusion…”
“It wasn’t really a jump.”
“No. More like a running leap.”
“Derek…” I tried to return the conversation back to the topic at hand. I didn’t want to. I liked playful Derek. He was fun. He made me smile. He made me laugh. He made me feel alive. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I felt like that. But if we were going to attempt anything, then I wanted this out of the way once and for all so we didn’t have to circle back ever again. I just wanted it over and done with so I could move on. So we could move on. “When I said I don’t share, I wasn’t talking about Zoe. I meant others…”
It almost caught in my throat. It tasted like bile. The thought of Derek and someone else made me physically ill. I was well aware that I had no claim over him. It was ridiculous, really. He wasn’t mine. He wasn’t a possession. He was a person who could do what he wanted, when he wanted, with who he wanted. I hated the fact that my stupid insecurities made me want to be the only person that he wanted those things with. It was pathetic. I was pathetic.
A huge, smug smirk tugged at Derek’s very kissable lips and I didn’t know if I wanted to kiss it off or slap it off. Taking a measured step forwards, Derek stalked towards me like I was his next meal. “Mia, you and I might not know each other very well yet, but I can promise you this. I am not one of those guys who plays around. Yes, I come as a package with Zoe, which you know about. No secret, but other than her, once I have a girlfriend, that’s it. There are no others, as you so succinctly put it.”
I gulped.
He was so close I could smell his cologne and it was doing all sorts of things to me.
Derek was going to be the death of me.
I’d been hurt before. More than he could imagine. More than he knew.
I had to tell him
I had to explain.
One day.
Not today.
Not now.
