“Mmmm…”
“I don’t share.”
At her words my lust was broken, and my eyes, which had been barely slits, were now wide open and she had my complete attention. With her delicate fingers, she reached over and picked the single strand of brown curly hair from the centre of my chest and let it float away on the breeze. The moment it vanished from sight, so did the grip she had on me and the connection was broken.
Fuck.
Stepping back, I tripped on the gutter as I shook my head. I knew there was a perfectly good, logical explanation but I was pretty pissed that I had to give one. It had been such a fantastic fucking night, everything was perfect, even when the breeze picked up and the sun faded, making the night air just a little too chilly, Mia had said nothing, but instead snuggled in against me and kept watching the movie. But one stupid, single strand of hair had thrown everything off track. Running my hands across my chin and letting out the frustrated sigh, I made sure she was tucked in the car safely before I shut the door, probably a little more forcefully than was needed.
Rounding the car, I counted. I was trying to get my temper under control. Mia didn’t deserve to cop that bullshit. No one did. I was wound up. If I’d have thought there was another way she could have gotten home safely I would have suggested she take it. But I wasn’t that big of a dick. Don’t get me wrong, I was undoubtedly a dick, but I wasn’t that bad. Not yet, anyway.
Jumping behind the wheel, I fired up the ignition and took off like a bat out of hell, spinning the wheels as I went. From the corner of my eye I saw the fear on Mia’s face, and instantly hated myself for putting it there. That was the last thing I wanted.
“I’m sorry,” I spat through gritted teeth.
Although I meant the words, my jaw felt like it was fused shut, not wanting to budge.
“Okay.”
It was barely audible.
Clenching the steering wheel, I eased off the accelerator and focused my breathing. Mia had hit a nerve, but even I didn’t know just how raw it was. Until now Zoe wasn’t something I had to explain. Something I wanted to explain. Something I ever thought I’d have to. But for Mia, for Mia I would.
“It’s Zoe’s.”
As soon as her name tumbled from my lips, I felt my grip on the wheel ease and my heart beat steady slightly. It was still erratic beneath my breast, but the craziness and overwhelming rage were fading.
“I assumed.”
“Then why?”
I didn’t get it. I might be a guy at that. A dumbass guy, but I thought we’d already covered all this. I’d already explained Zoe. I didn’t want this to be something I had to go over every time we left the house. That bullshit wouldn’t fly with me. Mia either trusted me, believed me, or she didn’t. It was that simple. And if she asked me to choose, well, let’s just say, it didn’t matter how good her ass looked in jeans. Zoe wasn’t going anywhere.
“Nothing.”
Nope. That answer was fucked too. I wasn’t about to deal with that sort of crap, either. Women and their ‘fine’ or their ‘okay’ or even their ‘nothings.’ They were all full of shit. Cutting across two lanes of traffic, earning myself an aggressive horn blast and a one finger salute, I pulled into the nearest parking lot, killed the ignition, and sprang from the car like something stank inside. And it did. But my pissy attitude followed me right out into the cool night air.
For what felt like forever I paced on my own, back and forth. Stretching my arms above my head and behind my back, I needed to work the kinks out of my tense muscles. I wanted to punch something. I needed to work the fury and adrenaline out of my system. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears and I could feel my heartbeat tattooing beneath my ribcage.
“Derek,” Mia’s voice was meek, timid, and tinged with fear.
I was officially an asshole.
I’d driven her to a park, which now, glancing around, was pretty dimly lit, and grimy in the middle of the night, only to leave her alone in the car while I ranted and raved and paced about like a fucking lunatic. All because I’d gotten so caught up in my own head I hadn’t bothered to stop and talk to her. That’s all it would have taken. Just a breath and a conversation. Sounds simple enough. For a normal person, it probably was. I mean, fuck, I’d already told her how much of a fuck up I am and she was still standing there looking more beautiful than ever. In two strides, I was in front of her, crouched down so I was at eye level.
“I don’t share, either.”
They weren’t just words. They were a promise. One I meant with everything I was and everything I had. I would make Mia understand about Zoe, but me not being one hundred percent faithful, that wasn’t something she’d have to worry about. Ever. Not with me.
I wrapped my arms around her hips and felt her arch into me, my face pressing against her collarbone. When I heard her breath hitch, I didn’t know if it was from fear or if she was on the same page. The truth was I was too much of a chicken shit to look up and see for myself. I didn’t want to see fear, rejection, or revulsion in her eyes. So instead, I squeezed mine shut and held tight, just breathing her in.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but I know by the time I made to move my knees had locked together and ached, our breathing had synchronized, and my stupid racing heartbeat had returned to normal.
Mia was first to pull away. “But Zoe…”
Staggering to my full height, I cupped Mia’s face in my hands and fused our gazes. I only wanted to say this once and I needed Mia to not only hear me, I needed her to believe me. “Zoe and I are a package deal, Mia. I can’t break that. And I won’t. Not for you. Not for anyone. Now I know you might not want that, and that’s your decision to make, but I like you. I can promise you, Zoe and I will never be more than what we are right now. The best friends you could ever imagine. She will always be an extremely important part of my life, but she isn’t going anywhere. The rest, well…that’s up to you, really.”
