Chapter 14
Mia
I should have felt like shit. I deserved to. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out so late. Then when I finally got home, I stood in the shower until the water ran cold, replaying every word, every touch, every silence over and over trying to make sense of it all. Trying to figure Derek out. There was a lot going on there, a hell of a lot. And he’d imparted some pretty heavy, sensitive information, but there was more to it. Something he wasn’t saying. Something he was afraid to say. He worried me, though. His guilt scared me. I wanted to talk to Zoe about it. Get her take on everything. See what she thought, but I’d promised I wouldn’t mention it. The problem was, after a restless night’s sleep, I couldn’t let it go. The need to know was all-consuming. The nosy bitch was coming out.
I’d just finished up my morning yoga class and was sitting in my office scarfing down my unimaginative breakfast of a banana and protein shake. I don’t eat this to maintain my weight or really even to be healthy?the truth is if there was a café that did a kick ass bacon and egg roll around the corner, I’d murder one right about now, but the banana and shake were convenient. Easy for a lazy person like me.
Kenz walked in and plopped her butt on my desk, a wide, sneaky smirk covering her face. “Whatcha doing?”
“Having breakfast before my next class.”
“So, how was your night?”
“Night was…intriguing.”
“Oooh, I love a good mystery. Elaborate, please.”
“Nope.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously!”
“You’re no fun!”
“We all knew that.”
“I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.”
“Oh well. You win some. You lose some.”
“Fine then, spoilsport. I’m going to head out. I’ll be back around three for my four o’clock Zumba class and a couple of PT sessions tonight, so I’ll lock up. You can head home early, or go out on a hot date, or whatever it is you do when you’re not here.”
With a final dismissive wave of her hand, Kenz was gone, leaving me alone to contemplate the browning banana skin on my desk. She seemed to think my life was much more exciting than it actually was. Maybe it was time I went and actually got a life. As soon as the thought entered my mind, it was accompanied by a pair of the most inquisitive, amazing hazel eyes I’d ever seen. Something that stole the breath from my lungs.
Lost in my Derek-induced daydream, I didn’t even see the shadow move to the doorway and knock. “Sorry to bother you, Mia,” a timid voice squeaked.
Snapping my head up, Zoe was there standing in the doorway, a towel slung over her shoulder and her bright pink gym bag dangling from her shoulder. “Oh, hi, Zoe. I didn’t see you there. I was…” I couldn’t very well tell her what I was thinking about. “I was off in my own little world.”
“Please don’t worry about that. I’m the one that should apologize for disturbing you.”
After my conversation with Derek last night, I understood a lot more now about why Zoe was how she was. She wasn’t shy and quiet because she wanted to be. Someone had made her that way. She was a victim of circumstances. Zoe was doing her best to fight back, but from the clues Derek did let slip, she had a long way to go. A bloody long way. Like me.
“What can I do for you?” I asked, tossing the banana skin in the bin and clambering to my feet.
“I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t…”
I couldn’t let her finish. Watching her struggle to get the words out physically hurt, so god knows what it was doing to her. Suddenly my tiny office felt claustrophobic. Like the walls were closing in on us. There was no air. It was too hot. Too stuffy. I couldn’t breathe. Moving towards the door as quick as I could, I grabbed Zoe’s arm and led her through the gym and out the back door into the alley.
It took a moment for me to get my breathing under control, and only then did I realize what I’d done. I’d just done exactly what Zoe had done the day before. Suffered a completely irrational, debilitating, unprovoked, completely humiliating panic attack.
“Well shit!” I huffed.
“Are you…okay?” Zoe asked nervously as she trailed her hand up and down my back, soothing me.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine,” I lied.
The lie sounded better in my head, but I couldn’t fight it. I risked a look at Zoe. I didn’t think I’d be able to stomach it if I saw pity on her face. I shouldn’t have doubted her. There wasn’t a trace. Just understanding and acceptance.
