I heard myself gasp and I guess Derek heard it too, because when he looked down at me our eyes met and he tugged me closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulder holding me against his body.
“It almost destroyed them both. But in a way, it fixed everything for them both too. I’d never seen Spencer stronger or happier. The day he showed me the engagement ring he’d planned to give to Zoe I knew everything was as it should be.”
I gulped.
I didn’t want to ask the question sitting on the tip of my tongue.
But I had to.
I wouldn’t understand unless I did.
“Where’s Spencer now?”
“He died.”
“Oh.”
I had no idea what to say after that. I crawled onto Derek’s lap and held him. I could feel him trembling beneath me as he fought to hold back the tears as he relived the past. A past I’d brought up. A past I’d forced him to explain. Fuck, I was a bitch sometimes.
Shifting me on his lap, Derek took a deep breath in, then pushed me away slightly so he could look at me. Not enough to let go, hell, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. The moment his sad, hazel eyes met mine, I knew I was done. Completely and utterly fucked.
“It was Kane.”
“Kane?”
“Kane was the one who…who hurt Zoe.”
“Oh.”
“He killed Spencer.”
“Oh.”
“I arrested him.”
“Oh.”
“It was my fault.”
“Oh.”
“I should have stopped it.”
“Oh.”
I sounded like an idiot. I couldn’t find words to accurately convey anything. How could I react to that? How could I make it better? When I’d asked, it wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. Pulling Derek back against me, I squished him as much as I could. I felt him chuckle against my neck but not pull away.
“I should have kept Zoe safe. We’d made a pact. Even as idiot kids, we promised to keep Zoe safe. Always. I didn’t.”
Anger bubbled inside me. I wanted to slap Derek up the side of the head. He couldn’t honestly believe that, could he? I wanted to believe he wasn’t that dense, but I knew he was. I’d seen how he was with her. I knew he was telling the truth. In his heart, he blamed himself for everything. I might not know him that well yet, but I knew him well enough to know that he took that promise seriously. It explained a lot, really. Spencer was gone. He was all Zoe had left. Zoe was broken. Derek would never walk away from her. He’d never again leave her in a position where she could be hurt. For as long as she lived, Zoe would have a guardian, whether she wanted one or not. I didn’t know whether to be jealous or impressed. Maybe a little of both.
I don’t know how long we sat like that. Alone in the darkness, wrapped in each other, just holding on.
“Mia?”
“Yeah?” I answered sleepily, but didn’t make an effort to move.
“We need to get up now. My legs are going to sleep.”
