“So, why don’t we get up off the floor, ’cause after two step classes, a Pilates, and a boxing class, my legs are shot to shit. What do you say we go grab ice cream on our way?”
I didn’t want to admit it, but that sounded like the best offer I’d had in a long time. After my morning run, battling the accounts for a couple of hours, then the boxing class, a mint chocolate chip waffle cone was calling my name.
“O-okay,” Zoe agreed, her voice wavering.
“Let’s do it then! Everyone got everything?”
When Mackenzie and Zoe nodded at me, I grabbed my bag from behind the counter, set the alarm, and ushered them out the door. The moment I heard the lock fall into place, I slipped my sunglasses in front of my eyes and looked at Zoe. She was frozen where she stood. Stepping beside her, I threaded my arm through hers and held her close. Fuck me! I thought I was a mess, but this girl was in a different league altogether. When Mackenzie mirrored my actions, Zoe’s rigid posture sagged slightly and we stepped off the curb and onto the street. Five minutes later we were safely tucked in Mackenzie’s bright yellow hatchback with the music cranking. After Zoe clicked the door lock, she seemed to breathe again.
“Ice cream?” Mackenzie asked again.
I glanced over my shoulder at Zoe in the backseat. She was clutching her bag like it was her safety vest. The fear was still there but she was a determined one, trying to force herself past the barriers. “Sounds good,” she offered, surprising us both.
“Let’s do it!” I chirped enthusiastically. I cringed at the sound, but I had to keep playing the part. The million questions scattering about my brain needed to be kept to myself and I had to keep playing the cheerleader. And I fucking hate cheerleaders.
Forty minutes later, Zoe was a different person. Gone was the fear and the shaking. Instead, she looked almost relaxed and more than a little tired. It was time to get her home. I knew what a panic attack felt like. The suffocating feeling that you couldn’t fight your way out. You were worried about everything. Every little movement scared the shit out of you. Every word brought even more fear and uncertainty. Then there was the inevitable adrenaline crash. One minute you were hanging in there barely, then boom! The next thing you know you were so tired you could barely lift your head up no matter how much caffeine or sugar you ingest. It was just another form of torture to put yourself through. It was that point when the demons in your mind manifested themselves into something physical. Something debilitating. Something overwhelming. Something paralysing. And ultimately, something embarrassing.
“You guys ready to head home?”
“Yes,” Zoe answered quickly. A little too quickly.
“Let’s get out of here then. You all right to give me directions, Zoe?” Mackenzie asked as she started the ignition.
“Yes. Left at the lights.”
Settling back in my seat, I closed my eyes and forgot about the world around me for a few moments. I needed a second. Watching how quickly and how easily Zoe had crashed made me thankful I had my own shit under control these days. But it was a reminder that it could happen at any time without warning. It was something I couldn’t afford to forget.
When Mackenzie pulled into the empty spot, Zoe grabbed her bag and vaulted from the car. This was obviously the one place she felt like herself. “Thank you so much for the lift, Mackenzie. And I’m…I’m really sorry about before. I’m not sure what…”
“It’s fine, Zoe, really. I’m just glad you’re okay. And smiling.”
“Thanks. Did you guys want to come in for a bit?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Zoe smiled. A real genuine smile. I got the distinct feeling that Zoe was trying so hard to keep her own demons at bay she was forcing herself out of her comfort zone. Way out. She was trying to make friends. As much as I just wanted to crash on the couch and watch crappy TV for a while, the overwhelming desire to be there won out.
“I can’t.”
“Sounds great.” Mackenzie and I spoke at the same time. “I’ve got to get home so I can meet Sean’s parents.”
“Sounds fun?”
“It won’t be. They hate me.”
“I’m sure they don’t.”
“Mia? I’m sure Derek can drive you home if you wanted to stay a while.”
I looked at Mackenzie, she nodded. She understood. I loved that girl. “Sounds great,” I agreed. Even if Derek wouldn’t drive me home I could just call Josie or catch the tram, I wasn’t really worried. But the relief that flooded Zoe’s face made the decision irreversible. Instantly I knew it was the right one.
“Have a good night, ladies!” Mackenzie smiled as I climbed out of the car and headed up the walkway.
A moment later, Zoe pushed open the door and my eyes fell instantly on the bare-chested form snoring on the lounge. My mouth was suddenly drier than the Sahara. Seeing him in the gym and in the club set my insides on fire, but this was something else. Derek was spread out on the lounge, a bag of chicken chips on his stomach, his hand still inside, a pair of navy sweat pants hanging low on his hips. Mouth-wateringly low. And the bare feet. I never thought feet could be sexy. Fuck me, I was wrong. His mouth was hanging open and soft snoring filled the room, muffled by the sound of the football on the television in front of him.
“Want something to drink?” Zoe offered quietly as she passed behind me.
Honestly, I’d forgotten she was even there.
“Sounds great. I’d love some water.” My voice came out deep and husky.
“Come on then.” She giggled.
Glancing over at her, I couldn’t miss the mischievous smirk covering her face. I’d been caught red-handed practically drooling over her flat mate or best friend or whatever the hell he was.
