Chapter 1
Derek
“Stop trying to protect me! Damn it, Derek. I’m not some fragile little girl you need to baby,” Zoe snapped, exasperated.
“Could have fooled me!” I snarled grimly.
Over the past couple of months since Spencer’s death, I thought Zoe would get better. Hoped she’d get better. But as days turned into weeks, then into months, and I was forced to watch her withdraw from the world, fade into the shadows, and now she’d left me no choice. She was breaking my heart. Spencer had been my best friend and I had no doubt in my mind that he’d be anything but okay with this. No matter how many times Zoe told me she was fine or how many fake smiles she plastered across her pretty little face, enough was enough.
“Zoe, come on, please! Spencer wouldn’t want…”
“Spencer’s not here!” Zoe’s voice broke as she screeched at me, tiny bits of spittle landing on the wooden floorboards beneath her sock-covered feet.
I watched as her eyes filled with tears, and part of me wanted to rush to her side and wipe them and the hurt away, but there was nothing I could do. Zoe was broken. She’d been broken. I didn’t have a clue on how to fix her. Everything I thought of, I’d already tried. Twice. When she cried, I held her in my arms until the sobbing stopped and exhaustion consumed her. When she forgot to eat, I brought her food and almost force fed her. I’d listened to her scream and rant when she’d needed to just get it out. I’d even been her punching bag. Now I was left with only one idea. I knew Zoe wasn’t going to like it, but it was time. Time for me to dish out some tough love. “I know Spencer’s not here. Do you think I’ve forgotten? Are you that fucking selfish? Do you not think that Spencer’s death destroyed me to? He was my best friend, Zoe. Since we were kids we were inseparable. I was supposed to be the best man at his wedding. Your wedding. But he’s gone. And I’m not. And you’re not. And I couldn’t save him. But I’m damn well going to save you, even if it’s only from yourself.”
“Derek…I didn’t mean…” Zoe moved towards me. With her wide, sad eyes downcast, her shoulders hunkered forward, she destroyed the only piece of my heart that was still intact. I loved this girl with everything I was. She was the sister I never had, but right now, right now she was killing me.
“I know you didn’t. I know. We just…we can’t keep going on like this. Something’s got to change. We’re both going insane and we’re taking it out on each other. You’re the only family I have left, Zoe. You have to get better. I need you to.”
“I’ll do better,” Zoe promised as the tears overflowed and streamed down her face. “I’m…trying.”
“I know you are, Princess. Go put your shoes on and get in the car. I’m taking you somewhere.” I watched as she straightened her spine. She hadn’t left the house in days, maybe even weeks. Since we’d returned to Melbourne, Zoe’d become a shell of the girl she once was. I wanted my Zoe back, and I wasn’t going down without a fight. “Come on! You’ve got five minutes to get your cute little butt in my truck or god help me, Zoe, I’ll throw you over my shoulder and put you there myself.”
“Derek…”
I could hear the fear in her voice and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. I hated what I was doing to her. If I could think of another way, then I would have tried something else. Anything else. But the wheels were in motion, no point turning back now. I heard the scuff of her feet as she shuffled away. When the noise stopped, I dared to look up. If I was being honest, I was doing a lousy job of holding myself together. Seeing my reflection staring back at me in the crystal-clear window pane scared the crap out of me. I looked old. My hair was too long, my eyes hollow, and the couple of days’ worth of growth on my chin was mangy and unkempt. It was time I got my shit together. If I was going to force Zoe back out there in the real world, then I wouldn’t send her out there alone. That was just mean.
“Two minutes!” I called out, turning away from the image that haunted me. Scooping up my keys, I stuffed my wallet and phone into the pocket on my jeans and tugged on my leather jacket that was draped over the couch.
I leant against the back of the black leather couch and waited. Time seemed to drag by and still Zoe didn’t appear. Glancing at my watch, I noticed that ten minutes had gone by and she had yet to emerge from her room. It took all the strength I had to not to barge in there, toss her over my shoulder, smack her disobedient butt, and march her out.
“Come on, Zoe. It’s gotta happen sometime!”
That damn girl was too stubborn for her own good. After another ten minutes, I knew we were going to be pushing it for time now. I hadn’t told her where we were going. I knew the moment I did she’d freak out and I’d never get her out the door. Trying to rein in my frustration was anything but easy. It was growing harder and harder each day. I’d given up everything for her and she barely noticed, let alone appreciated it. Spencer’d been my best friend and I’d lost him too. Not once had Zoe looked up from her own pity party and cared whether or not I was coping. I knew she didn’t mean to be a selfish bitch, and normally she wasn’t, but this situation was anything but normal. Spencer had died in front of us, then I’d been the one to arrest his killer. His twin brother. I’d carried Spencer’s coffin and given a eulogy. I testified at Kane’s trial and I’d picked Zoe up off the floor more times than I could count. The truth was, I was tired. So damn tired. Things had to change. I couldn’t keep going through life like a zombie. I didn’t want to. My two best friends in the world were gone. They didn’t get to live. They didn’t get to be young and impulsive and reckless and stupid. So I had to be for all three of us. It was a lot of pressure. A fucking lot.
Knocking on the door, I was more than a little afraid of what I’d find waiting for me on the other side.
She didn’t answer. She rarely did.
I knocked again.
Still nothing.
I felt my chest tighten. Maybe I’d pushed too far. Too fast. I could be an asshole when I wanted to be. “Zoe?” I called out, barely recognizing my voice. It trembled with nerves.
When she didn’t answer, I tried the handle, more thankful than I could ever express that we didn’t have locks on the door. Stepping through the doorway, I was shocked by what I found. Zoe’s bedroom was a bombsite…and the girl was borderline OCD. Dirty clothes littered the floor, the bedside table was covered in empty glasses, the bin was overflowing with used tissues, and her computer on the desk by the window was almost buried by the stack of plates. Then there was the stench. It was rancid. I didn’t know it was possible for a girl to smell so badly. It was worse than anything I could imagine and I’d spent time in football locker rooms.
“Zoe? Where are you?” I called out as I stepped over a pile of something I didn’t even want to look twice at.
It felt awkward. Like I was invading her privacy. Like I was breaking some kind of unspoken rule. The moment the whimpering reached my ears I no longer gave a fuck about anything else, though. Kicking a damp towel out of the way, I headed straight for her ensuite bathroom. I raised my hand and knocked, but didn’t wait for an invite before pushing my way through the door. Then I came to a screeching halt.
“Zoe!”
The moment I saw her I wanted to be sick. I tasted the bitter bile burning the back of my throat as I was forced to swallow it back down. I’d known she was broken, but I hadn’t expected this. How the fuck did anyone expect this?
“I’m…I’m…” Zoe tried, but she couldn’t get the words out. She looked like they were choking her as her face paled.
Her eyes were red and rimmed with unshed tears, but that wasn’t what broke my heart. With her sweat pants around her ankles, Zoe sat on the cold bathroom tiles in her panties and stained shirt. In her tiny hands, she held a blade. Her thighs revealed the truth. I didn’t know how long it had been going on, or why she was doing it, but I’d be fucked if she thought for a minute that I was going to stand by and let her make another single mark on her skin. Not under my fucking watch.
