Chapter 37
ZOE
I was making Spencer’s life hard. And not just his life. I couldn’t help but enjoy the power trip. There was something about just being with Spencer that made everything so simple. When he’d climbed into the truck and looked over at me, I recognised the longing in his eyes. The only reason I could tell was because it mirrored my own. After everything that had happened, and not just recently but through the years, being together just felt right. There was part of me that couldn’t help but wonder when the other shoe would drop. Life never went the way you wanted it to. At least mine didn’t.
As the truck bounced down the gravel road, my attention focused on what lay ahead. It was uncanny the connection we had. I’d told Spencer there was somewhere I wanted to go, and with a knowing smirk he’d driven us there. No need for more words.
Up ahead the trees cleared as Spencer spun the truck in a wide arc and crunched to a halt. I didn’t wait for him before jumping from the cab and running around to the back of the truck.
“Fuck me!” I exclaimed under my breath.
“Later,” I heard Spencer groan as he wandered around and slid into his place beside me.
Looking up into his face, I saw how firmly his jaw was clenched. It was like he was holding something back. Something painful. Something that was torturing him. After everything he’d held my hand through, I had to do something to make it easier for him. The only thing I could think of was being close to him. Whether it was a good idea or a terrible idea, I wasn’t entirely sure. I didn’t know if it would make his life better or worse, but I had to try. Stepping deliberately towards him, I watched his eyes intently making sure he knew exactly what I was doing. His gaze never once wavered. But he knew. He always knew.
“Just get over here, Pippi.” He opened up his arms and held me close.
I don’t know how long we stood there and I really didn’t care. We didn’t speak. We didn’t look at each other. Instead I let my eyes wander. I let my heart remember. it was exactly the same in real life as it had been in my imagination for all these years. My heart was thundering and I could feel Spencer’s short sharp breaths on my neck. We were both caught up in the same web of emotions. Both sifting through the same barrage of memories.
Glancing across the still river, I heard a bird squawk before it took off in flight towards the bright blue sky overhead. Up ahead in the clearing, I watched as the old tyre swing dangling in the gum tree rocked back and forth on the breeze. Part of me couldn’t believe it was still hanging. The rope had to be fifteen years old. It had been at least that long since I’d been out here, but right now, curled up against Spencer, I felt like that teenager once more. Stealing a look at the man beside me, I saw the memory reflected in his eyes.
“We should?”
“Sit,” Spencer said, cutting me off.
I was going to say go, but I couldn’t argue. The firmness in his eyes kept me in my place.
A moment later we were in the back of Spencer’s truck, me perched between his legs leaning against his chest while he absentmindedly traced circles on my arms with his fingertips. Fuck, it felt good. How was I ever supposed to go home after this?
And then it was as if he knew the thought that had just danced uninvited through my brain. Spencer kissed my temple so softly that it felt like a kiss from the breeze.
“Stop thinking, Zoe! Just be here with me.”
“I am.” I smiled, snuggling against him even further.
After a while Spencer started talking. “Remember how much fun we used to have out here? How stupid and reckless we were?”
“Don’t you mean how reckless you were?”
“Don’t tell me you’re trying to claim to be an angel now?”
“Hell no! I had a great time out here, but even you have to admit I was way more careful than you.” I laughed as memories flooded me.
Back when I had nothing to lose, I’d been wild. Every challenge those boys threw out I’d accepted without consideration or hesitation. I rode motorbikes through wheat paddocks, not knowing they’d set up jumps along the track. I’d jumped blindly into the murky waters of the river below. I’d raced horses down dirt roads as fast as their legs could carry them. I rough housed with the best of them. They’d never once treated me like I was anything other than one of them. Not once did being a girl get in the way of the easy camaraderie we’d shared.
“You’re thinking again,” Spencer admonished.
“Only good thoughts,” I promised.
“’Bout me?” His rich, deep voice was full of hope.
If I told the truth I’d never live to hear the end of it, but I couldn’t lie to him either. “Maybe,” I taunted, raising his hand to my lips and kissing his knuckles lightly.
“Do you remember…Zoe?”
Gone was the playful banter and suddenly seriousness settled on us. I should’ve known that coming here would inevitably lead to this. Maybe part of me did know and that’s why I wanted to come. Why I needed to. My head was a jumble of emotions and thoughts and confusion and I’d never felt more off balance in my life, but somehow that was okay. Spencer made it okay.
“Of course,” I choked out the words.
