Chapter 24
SPENCER
“Spencer! Spencer! What are you doing?” a voice I knew but couldn’t place hissed at me.
Prying my eyes open, it took me a moment for all the puzzle pieces to fall together. The sun streaming through the window burned my retinas and I found myself blinking rapidly.
“Spencer!” the voice whispered again. Mum.
“It’s okay, Mum,” I assured her.
“No, it’s most definitely not. Come on. Get out of that bed. Don’t you dare wake her!”
I had no clue what was going on but Mum looked pissed. I’d seen that look enough times over the years to know when to fight and when to back off. Right now was definitely not the time to argue.
Slowly I untangled myself from Zoe and slipped from beneath the covers. Watching her, I prayed she didn’t wake. Thankfully, she just mumbled, rolled over, and continued snoring. I stood there longer than I should have, yet for some reason my feet were cemented to the floor. I stared at her with fascination as she grabbed the pillow that had been mine and wrapped herself around it, holding it close. Feeling like a creepy stalker, I forced myself to leave her be.
As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, Mum handed me a mug filled with strong coffee and looked up at me with a scowl.
“What?” I asked innocently.
“Don’twhatme, Spencer Robert.”
I knew I was in the shit. Deep shit. When the middle name was used as a weapon, you knew nothing good would follow.
“Look, Mum, I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep, so why don’t you save us both some time and just tell me what I’ve done wrong now so I can apologise and we can get on with it.” I heard the words come out of my mouth but I didn’t recognise them. Usually I had more self-control than that, yet right now it seemed to have abandoned me.
“Don’t play with her, Spencer.” Mum’s face was set firmly and I didn’t remember the last time I’d seen her this way.
“Play with her?” I wasn’t sure what Mum was getting at and it was pissing me. One minute she was reminding me I was an adult and that I should act like it, then next she was treating me like a child. I couldn’t be both. Could I?
“Spencer…” Mum’s voice fell low and I knew she didn’t want Zoe to hear what was coming next. “You know I love Zoe, so this isn’t about her. Right now?right now that girl is severely messed up. After what she’s been through, that’s to be expected. Hell, it’s normal. You can’t make promises you aren’t going to follow through with. Don’t give her false hope.”
“What are you trying to say?” It came out a low, defensive growl.
“Why are you in bed with Zoe? Why cuddle up to her? Do you want her to get attached?”
The way Mum threw the questions at me caught me off guard and hit me square in the chest. I hadn’t given it any thought. I’d really thought that looking after her, being there for her, was what Zoe needed. Now Mum was telling me it wasn’t. Damn women were confusing.
“We’re just friends. Nothing to worry about,” I explained dismissively, but as soon as I’d said the words I knew that even I didn’t believe them.
“Don’t be dumb, Spencer!”
“Gee thanks, Mum. Anything else?”
I finished my coffee and rinsed the cup before dropping it into the dishwasher. I couldn’t look her in the eye right now. I was mad. I wasn’t entirely convinced that I was mad at Mum and not myself. I’d lain awake most of the night wondering how I was supposed to watch Zoe get in her car and drive away today. I knew she had to. Her life was back there, but it didn’t have to mean I wanted her to. And it definitely didn’t mean I had to like it.
“I don’t want to see you hurt, Spence…Zoe, she’s got a life out there. Yours is here. How can this ever be anything more?”
I gulped. Suddenly a lump the size of a golf ball formed in my throat and wouldn’t let me get the words out. Instead I stared blankly out the kitchen window, Mum’s question playing on repeat in my mind.
“You’ll be okay. So will Zoe. Just try not to hurt each other in the process,” Mum offered as she squeezed my shoulder tenderly. “I’m going to head into town and get some groceries. You all right to stay here until Zoe wakes up? I don’t want her to wake up alone in a strange house.”
There was the compassion I knew and loved. I nodded and turned my attention back to the garden beyond the window. I heard the click of the door, the footsteps on the veranda, and a car wheeze to life, and then the house was enveloped in silence. It was strange. This was the house I’d grown up in. The house that still had my height chart carved into the architraves in the pantry. The house where we’d buried treasure beneath the apple tree. Suddenly it felt so empty. So big. So lonely. Or maybe it was just me.
Grabbing a banana from the bowl, I took a bite and stepped out the front door, slumping into a wicker chair. With the morning sun warming my face, everything else just faded away. It was just me and my deep, heavy thoughts. I was so caught up in them I didn’t realise Zoe was awake until she slid down on my lap, her head coming to rest on my shoulder, my arms wrapping around her shoulders protectively.
“Morning.” I smiled as I sniffed her hair.
