Chapter 13
ZOE
I was glad to have a few minutes to myself. I was standing in Spencer’s bedroom in nothing but a towel. My second shower in a few hours had helped wash away some of the grime that coated me but I still felt dirty. Part of me wondered if that feeling would ever go away. Spencer had been the perfect gentleman and the very best friend anyone could ask for. It had been completely overwhelming to awaken wrapped safely in his arms and the intense feeling that made me realise there was nowhere else I’d rather be.
I grabbed my bag and upended it on the bed. I still had no idea what I was supposed to wear. My bag was filled with things to impress and make me feel good. Yet right now, all I wanted was to pull on my favourite well-worn flannelette pyjamas. They were at home. And probably not acceptable party attire. Unfortunately.
After grabbing the tamest set of panties I owned, I pulled on my jeans. Even though they hugged my body in all the right places and usually I was proud of how good they made my butt look, tonight I didn’t want anyone looking. And god forbid they touched. But they were the best I had. All I had. I pulled on a camisole and tucked it in. Then I looked through my tops. I never thought I’d dressed slutty before. I thought I was pretty tame with my clothing choices. The pile in front of me though, revealed something else. I’d only brought a choice of three tops. A green fitted knit dress that finished just below my butt and showed off every curve I had. A purple V necked long sleeve shirt with sequins along the collar. Or a white button down three quarter sleeve shirt that pulled across my chest. I didn’t want to wear any of them.
Defeated, I hobbled over to Spencer’s closet and browsed his collection. As messy as his house had been, his closet was overly tidy. On every hanger, the clothes were organised by colour shade. Shirts and sweaters, perfectly pressed. It didn’t take long for me to make a decision. I grabbed a shirt and slid it on. It was way too big. I didn’t care. I tucked it into the top of my jeans and then fastened the cuffs. Then I grabbed a charcoal woollen sweater and pulled it over my head. After adjusting the collar, I looked in the mirror. I didn’t look to bad, considering. I hoped makeup could cover the rest, and once I did something with my hair, I should at least look half decent. The best thing about Spencer’s clothes though, they covered everything I needed them to without looking like I was wearing a sack. It looked deliberate.
After pulling on my knee-high black boots over my jeans, I was dressed. And just in time too. Spencer appeared at the door and I had to look twice. He looked good. Too good. He too wore dark jeans and a button down shirt with a hint of a grey t-shirt peeping out from underneath, causing my breath to hitch.
“You look good in my clothes, Zoe,” he growled, his voice thick.
“Sorry I didn’t ask, Spencer. I just?”
“Zoe, it’s fine.”
“You sure?”
“Perfectly.”
“Okay, well, is the bathroom free? I need to do something with my face,” I admitted, grabbing my makeup bag.
“Yep. It’s all yours.”
“Thanks.” I smiled before shuffling quickly out the door and locking myself in the bathroom.
It took me a few moments to get my heart beat back under control before I started on my hair. I didn’t have a hair dryer and I assumed Spencer didn’t, either. I hadn’t thought to pack one since I was supposed to be staying in a hotel. After quickly running a towel through my hair, I knew it was as good as it was going to get. I combed my hair and twisted it up on top of my head, taking care to make sure enough stray pieces fell loose across my head to help hide the stitches.
I started putting my makeup on as normal, but you could still see every blemish. It was beyond frustrating. After doubling the layer of foundation, I applied everything thicker than I usually would. Maybe I could hide behind the mask. Maybe enough swipes of the mascara wand would hide the tears and disguise the bags below my eyes. It took barely twenty minutes before I gave up. I wasn’t exactly happy with how everything had turned out, but I just couldn’t find the energy to care.
Squaring my shoulders, I pulled opened the door and walked determinedly into the lounge room. Spencer sat on a bar stool at the kitchen bench, sipping a glass of water while flicking through a magazine. I allowed myself a brief second to appreciate his appearance before I walked up and stood beside him, nudging him with my shoulder.
“You ready?” I asked, my voice trembling.
As much as I was pretending I was okay the truth was I was freaking the fuck out.
Spencer rose gracefully. He towered over me but I wasn’t afraid. I never needed to be afraid of Spencer. He rested his hands deliberately on my shoulders, bent down, and lined up our faces so our eyes were level. “Zoe, you know you don’t have to do this, don’t you?”
“I know,” I squeaked.
“You still want to though, don’t you?”
“I have to.”
“I know. Well then, let’s get it over with,” he confirmed strongly.
I felt myself nod and Spencer’s warm fingers wrapped around mine as he led me out the door and down the driveway. When he opened my door I realised how much this must be hurting him as well. I’d been selfish. The whole time I’d been getting ready I kept reassuring myself that I’d be okay. That Spencer wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt me, but not once did I pause to consider how hard it would be for him. He’d always been a nice guy. A good guy. Opening car doors for women wasn’t something I’d ever seen him do before.
The drive was only ten minutes yet every moment felt like an eternity. Each breath felt like it was being wrenched from my chest. By the time we pulled into the car park in a shower of gravel and dust, I was sweating, my pulse was racing, and my chest was aching. I was regretting my stubbornness and wishing I’d accepted Spencer’s offer to stay home, but I’d never admit that now. I’d told him I could do this and now I had to follow through.
I should have known Spencer better than that.
As he put the car in park and killed the ignition, he grabbed my arm. “Zoe?”
“Yep,” I answered a little too quickly.
