Chapter 10
SPENCER
What the fuck?
As soon as the thought went through my head I scolded myself. If Zoe wanted me with her, then there was nowhere else I was going to be. Reality was, I didn’t want to see this. It was bad enough I could see the scrapes and bruises that were visible when she had her clothes on. My imagination had already piss bolted like a cat with his tail on fire and taken me on some sick, painful, masochistic journey. One that I knew if I ever got proof of, I’d never be the same again.
No matter how much it hurt, no matter that it was pure, unadulterated torture, I wasn’t moving a muscle.
Stealing a glance at Zoe, the sight of her freaked me out. She was pale. Whiter than I’d ever seen her before. Her eyes, ringed with deep black bags, were wide with terror. I could only hope she knew, deep down inside, down in that safe place at the centre of her heart, she knew she had nothing to fear from me. Not now. Not ever.
“Zoe,” I took a measured step toward her.
Her wide eyes never left mine. Every move I made was slow and deliberate. She looked like a fragile and frightened lamb. Reaching out, I took her hand in mine. Her fingers were like icicles, but I had no intention of letting go. My body heat was hers for the taking. Especially if that was the only thing I could offer her right now.
“Just don’t let go, Spencer,” she whispered, and her words reverberated directly to my soul.
“Never,” I promised. Even as the words left my mouth, I surprised myself with how much I really meant them.
“Okay then,” she breathed out and I felt her whole body relax. All the tension drained away and the weight lifted.
“You want to get out of here?”
“Hell yeah!”
“Okay. Let’s get you dressed and discharged, then I’ll take you home,” I confirmed.
I’d never been in this situation before. I’d never wanted to. Honestly, I hoped I never would be again. My best guess was to make sure in excruciating detail that Zoe knew what was going to happen so she wasn’t caught off guard.
Zoe’s lips pursed but she remained stoically silent. Untangling our fingers, I handed her the grey sweat pants and stepped back to let her pull them on. I wanted to give her all the space and privacy she needed. Zoe fumbled and they fell to the floor in a pile. Instead of scooting off the bed to pick them up, tears flooded her face and huge, body racking sobs shook her. Without thought or hesitation, I grabbed the pants and slid onto the bed beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and crushing her to my chest. I hated seeing her like this. This broken and defeated. My Zoe, the strong-willed, stubborn woman I’d always known was nowhere to be seen. She stiffened in my arms but only momentarily. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone again. The fight went out of her and she collapsed into my arms and cried. Hard.
“Come on, Zoe,” I tried. “It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here and no one can hurt you now.”
She sniffed and pulled back, looking up into my face. Although I would never admit it out loud, the look on her face, the pain in her eyes?it broke my fucking heart. Not just a nice clean break, either. It shattered into a million tiny pieces. Something I wouldn’t bet money on ever being able to be repaired. Wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she sobbed a deep sob that shook her whole body. “Your shirt’s wet,” she murmured as she wiped at it.
“Doesn’t matter.”
Steeling herself, Zoe sucked in a deep breath, pulled out of my arms, and straightened her back. She was tough. Right now, she was determined to prove it. “Okay, Spencer. I need to get dressed.”
“Need help?” I offered, handing her the pants.
“Thanks.” She smiled weakly.
Climbing from the bed, I made sure I was facing the wall before I sucked in the deepest breath I’d ever need. This was going to kill me, but Zoe would never know that. She couldn’t. Right now she needed me to be strong for her, and if that’s what she needed, that’s exactly what she would get. I’d be damned if I showed her anything else.
Turning around, I dropped to my knees in front of her and took the pants back from her. I wanted to watch what I was doing. I wanted to make sure I didn’t bump any sore spots, but when I looked up and my eyes locked with hers, and I knew I couldn’t break her trusting glance. My eyes stayed firmly locked on Zoe’s, which meant I was going to dress her by feel. Shit! I was screwed.
I’m not an angel. I never pretended to be. I’d been with my fair share of women over the years and I’d had plenty of practice of stripping them out of their clothes but I’d never dressed one before. This was definitely something new for me.
Tears balanced unshed on Zoe’s eyelashes, but my girl held strong. Carefully I wiggled the pants over her feet and up her calves. Zoe didn’t blink. She barely breathed. This was killing her. Shit, it was killing me. I’d never been so relieved to be so much bigger than someone in my life.
“You ready to stand?” I asked, my voice quivering with uncertainty.
I watched as Zoe’s eyes widened even further and she swallowed heavily. “You’ll be fine. Just lean on me. I won’t let you fall.”
My words must have helped. Slowly she stumbled to her feet, dropping her cold hands on my shoulders. I stayed on my knees, making sure I looked up at her face. My hands reached underneath her hospital gown and pulled up her pants until they were around her tiny waist.
“Okay, Zoe. They’re on. You right to tie them up? They’ll be too big, but you should be able to tighten them.”
