Ignoring him, I tossed my clothes towards the hamper, turned on the shower and waited for a few seconds for the water to warm.
I hated ignoring Oakley though, especially when he was clearly upset. But I didn’t know what to do.
I was used to littles and their tears. I was used to tantrums, which I didn’t put up with. I was used to having to give a boy or girl a time out, or taking away their favorite blanket if they had a warning to behave.
But I couldn’t do any of that with Oakley. I couldn’t take away things he didn’t have. Heck, I didn’t even know what he liked or wanted, so I couldn’t bribe him either.
Looking at Oakley, shaking and crying, all I wanted to do was coax him out of the corner and cuddle him. I wanted to wipe away the tears and tell him everything would be all right.
But, I could easily tell he didn’t want to be touched. Least of all by me.
I breathed out a harsh breath, turning to the shower to wash off the horrible night. Then, I’d figure out what to do. One way or another, I had to get him out of his mind, to answer me, and to talk.
Littles were easy, even ones that didn’t know they were a little. But Oakley was different. He was more like an abused animal. If I did one wrong thing, he’d be back into a corner.
Time.
I needed time that I didn’t have. Instead, I’d give him something else. something that could be his own, with only boundaries he set.
Chapter 18
Oakley
I couldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t think anything could help.
I sniffed, again for the millionth time in less than five minutes.
My tears wouldn’t stop, either. My lungs hurt from holding in sobs. My stomach ached from swallowing the bile that wanted to come up. My head throbbed in tune of my heart.
I was so tired. I was hungry, and thirsty, and…and…defeated.
I had expected Sabastian to come up, hot on my heels, yelling and threatening me. I expected him to hit me with whatever he could get his hands on, or with just his hands themselves. I expected him to tell me to bend over, showing my butt to him so he could do whatever he wanted.
He wasn’t happy with me.
I didn’t eat the food he put in front of me. I fought against his hold. And he didn’t like me kneeling for him, either.
I was sick with myself.
I couldn’t eat the toast, even if I was hungry. I tried, but it felt wrong. Everything had felt wrong..
None of it was right.
I shouldn’t have knelt by the couch for so long. I should have stayed up here, waiting.
Another sob came out, causing me to bite harder into my arm to prevent it from making a single sound. The pain helped, just enough, to keep me sane. Or maybe not.
Black spots danced before my eyes as I fought to take another breath.
Why couldn’t I shut it all off? With Sir, I could shut it off, following his orders until I passed out. Then, I’d wake up sometime later in pain and tears. But it was better than feeling all these feelings, all the shame and disappointment.
Through blurry eyes, I made sure that the man was still in the shower. I think, him ignoring me was just as bad as having his attention. I didn’t know what I wanted more, and it wasn’t my choice anyways.
His back was to me, and I took my chance.
Hiding was better.
At that moment, I didn’t care what pain he’d inflict on me once he did find me.
