I knew what it was, but where the heck did it come from? And why did I find the idea…okay?
Of course I’d be okay with it. If Sabastian was the one that gave it to me, than I had to be fine with it. But also…it was so similar to the picture on that one book.
Sucking again, I let it rest against my tongue, feeling the rubbery weight sooth something that I didn’t know needed soothed. Or maybe I was just too tired to worry about it.
It was kind of like wearing skirts. If someone who owned my body wanted me to look a certain way, wear a certain thing, then I had to. My comfort wasn’t my problem. I’d spent most of my life uncomfortable for a hundred different reasons. This was just another one of those times.
At least this one wasn’t painful. I could easily get used to a pacifier, which would give my thumb a much-needed break.
Tired of looking at my ugly, pale face, I turned away from the mirror. For now, I decided, I’d keep the pacifier until Sabastian said otherwise.
Stopping in the door way, I tilted my head. Hadn’t I been in the corner, hiding from the monsters? Why had I woken up in the bed, with my clothes changed?
Did the monsters tear my clothes off? It was possible, after all. But then, was Sabastian going to be upset that the clothes he bought were torn up? Would he hit me? Lock me downstairs? Or even, in a cage?
I blanched, my stomach swopping at that thought. Sir threatened cages, and I knew I’d for sure be left to die in one eventually. In a cage, there would be no escape. The monsters could maybe not get tome as easily if I was in one, but they could taunt me more there. Because in a cage, there was no corner to hide in.
Sniffing, I forced my feet to take me to the partially open bedroom door. Peeking around it, there weren’t any sounds coming from anywhere in the house. At least the monsters were gone for the moment, but was I alone in the house?
Where was Sabastian? I assumed he’d be back, since I was longer chained to the bed.
With light steps, not daring to make a sound just in case I wasn’t meant to leave the room, I went down the stairs. One slow step at a time, listening for any sort of noise.
At the bottom, I peeked around the corner, finding the kitchen empty. No mugs of coffee on the counter. No pans of food.
Maybe he left again, I thought.
Standing just a tad straighter, hands folded around my middle, I let my eyes wonder for a moment. I hadn’t taken the time to really look at the main floor. There was no need to, not when I wasn’t allowed to wander down here on my own. Or anywhere, for that matter.
A huge entryway, one pair of shoes sitting by the door. A jacket slung over a table.
Off of the other side, was a living room. Pure white furniture, which I knew would be stained easily with my blood. I already didn’t want to dare touch them, knowing I’d leave a mark even if I didn’t mean to.
Along one of the couches, laid Sabastian, eyes closed and a slight snore.
Was he really sleeping there? Had that been where he was all night while the monsters got their hands on me?
My heart fell, even though I didn’t exactly have one that felt emotional pain these days, to my feet.
Had the man stayed down here the entire night while the monsters took what they wanted from me? Did he not care? Well, dah, why would he care? I was nothing but athingto him.
Swallowing down the rising tears, I tiptoed closer. Since he was fast asleep, I took a long moment to really look at him. Still dressed in the clothes he’d gone out in, although his pants were undone, showing off gray underwear, he looked….peaceful.
Dark thick hair was a bit wilder than I’d seen it before, like he’d ran a hand through it more than a few times. Long eye lashes, hiding his brown depths from view. And pink lips that were parted.
Kneeling right there beside the couch, I rested in a pose that wouldn’t hurt my back or legs, if I had to stay there for a while. I never knelt in front of someone who was asleep before, but Sir liked me kneeling for hours at a time.
Surprisingly, kneeling for this man who was fast asleep was easy. I didn’t fight the growing discomfort. Maybe there wasn’t much to latch onto. I just knelt, sucking on the pacifier. My eyes went from Sabastian to the floor, before finally settling on the dark gray carpet.
Eventually, for once, my thoughts went blank. Usually, when I was kneeling for Sir, thoughts of all the ways I’d messed up would bombard me. Thoughts of how I was a disappointment, a disgrace, would comerushing in. It never helped when he barked out words to make me feel like that.
Maybe since the man was asleep, not saying a word, gave my mind time to heal from the monsters. Or maybe, I just found a tiny bit of relief in a moment of quiet.
Whatever the case, I was going to enjoy it, because I’d never enjoyed something before.
I don’t know how long I was there, kneeling on the floor. my mind mostly blank for once in my life. I found something in that blankness, something that I knew I’d want to have again, if I could.
I was torn out of my state when a deep groan came from Sabastian. I lifted my eyes enough to watch as he rubbed both hands down his face.
