It was a lost cause to argue against him, wasn’t it?
As I let the puppy outside, taking a moment to sit on the back porch and look out past the fence line, I let my thoughts wander for just a moment. I couldn’t allow them any more time than that.
I wasn’t sure what the rest of the day would bring, and I wasn’t too thrilled about finding out. The monsters out there in the darkness still wanted me. I could see them in the shadows, biding their time. But right now, they didn’t scare me.
What scared me more was the idea of what Sabastian wanted from me. Most likely when we went to bed.
I hoped he’d be gentle while he used my body. I didn’t want it to hurt, but knowing my luck, it would.
I hadn’t expected Sabastian to let me have this puppy, or any of them for that matter. I couldn’t have even hoped to take her, yet I did. I let that tiny bit ofwantto come through to see what he’d do.
Would he have followed through with me getting whatever I wanted? Was he really a nice, decent human being where he wanted me happy?
I didn’t know those answers just yet. I did know that he really wanted to spoil me and that it was most likely going to work when he’d be using the dog to get me things.
And then a phone on top of it all?
Why so many things? I didn’t need any of it. I didn’t need all the apps for clothing shops to order what I wanted. And he said I could order whatever I needed. I have more than enough clothes.
I had enoughthingsto last for years.
As the puppy – who really needed a name – came walking up to me, tail waggy and happy, I refocused on her.
I wasn’t sure why she had been so skittish at first, but now she seemed happy and content with a new house, a new family, to call her own.
Either way, she was now mine. Well, ours, really. But she didn’t seem to care too much about Sabastian. She’d sniff his fingers, but otherwise really didn’t want anything to do with the man.
Not that I blamed her one bit. I was like that too for so long. I didn’t trust him fully, but I was getting there, very slowly.
Today had gone better than I expected it to. I didn’t like attention or gifts.
I was sure glad that birthdays only came once a year. If I was even here that long. Who knows what was going to happen to me after this man tired of me?
A part of me hoped that he’d never tire of me. That I’d get to stay here for years and years and never have to fear the unknown again. But the smart part of me knew that wasn’t going to happen.
He’d take what he’d want, use me until I was broken, then pass me on to the next person.
I was more sure now than ever that he wanted me to be fully healed before he rebroke me, piece by tiny piece.
That was something I surely wouldn’t be able to live through. I wasn’t sure if I was back together inside, only for me to be rebroken, would be livable anyway.
I’ve suffered so much, and I didn’t want to suffer another single day. All the things that Sabastian spoke of, I wanted.
I wanted to explore his world.
I wanted to find love.
I wanted to be happy.
But was that possible? Would I ever get more than what I currently have? Fleeting moments of contentment?
“You’re in deep thought out here.”
I jerked, having not expected him to come out here. This time, he didn’t bother to apologize for scaring me like all the others.
“Maybe…I should scare you some time.” I huffed, getting my heart to settle.
It wasn’t the first time I spoke words with a bit more emotion behind them. I was so sure this man was going to punish me for doing so, but he hadn’t.
