Heck, for all I knew, the social worker was the one that would be taking me back tothe hands of a monster. Hands that I would die by.
“Whoa there.” Hands on my shoulders stopped my walking, or marching more like it.
I slowly looked up, meeting Officer Sarah’s worried gaze.
“What’s wrong?”
Considering how many times she’s already seen me cry, everything was wrong. But for now, I waved a hand behind me, hoping she’d somehow understand.
It took her a moment, her eyes bouncing from me to the direction I had come. “Your aunt showed up early, I take it.”
I nodded, forcing a sob to stay down. Falling apart wasn’t the best choice right now. I was already acting insane and unstable. I didn’t need to add to that.
“Alright. Let's get you to your room and I’ll figure out what happened.”
I nodded, letting her gently tug me to her side and guide me to the room, which wasn’t all that far thankfully. Once inside the room, I pulled away, seeking the bed and the fake security it offered.
“Will you be okay while I go try to find your aunt and see what happened?”
I nodded, pulling the scratchy blanket up over my head. Maybe if I could make the world feel smaller, everything would stop spinning and pressing me down.
I wouldn’t be able to keep doing this. Trying to survive. Trying to keep to myself.
I’d be better off if I just gave up.
Chapter 6
My growling stomach woke me up sometime later. I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep, but was surprised I had been. I figured someone would have come in here, most likely the social worker, demanding answers that I couldn't give.
Removing the blanket off my head, a cold gust of air reached my bare arms, causing goosebumps to appear. The shirt and sweatpants that Sarah had given me were almost too big for my small body, but they did the job. it was ten times better than what could be called clothes I’ve had in the past.
Blinking past the tears, I pushed myself to sit up and rub at my eyes, hoping it’d be enough to ward off the tears.
It was only then when I froze, noticing Dawn sitting in the blue chair. Her bright colorful clothes would make it easy to see her a mile away, even for me.
“Hey, honey.” Her voice was still just as calm as before. There was no hint of hate towards me, like it had been towards the social worker. “It’s just me here with ya.” She added the last bit when my eyes bounced around the room.
My heart slowed knowing she was right. It wasn’t like I could run from the room if someone else was in here.
“I’m not going to pressure you, but that nice officer will be back later to talk over your options. She cares, unlike that dickward.”
I fiddled with the blanket in my lap, knowing she probably wanted me to reply in some sort of way. I didn’t know how, though. Did I really get a choice in where I ended up? I never have before, so what would be so different this time?
“I don’t expect anything from you,” she went on, having read my mind. “I don’t care if you talk or not. As long as you pick an option that you want. Not what some social worker thinks is best. Whatyouwant. I’d go with the option you will feel the most comfortable with, the one you can heal and grow to become something amazing.”
I wanted to scoff. I wouldn’t ever be amazing. not to mention, comfortable with anything, or anywhere I ended up. I’d always be with a stranger, no matter where I went.
And, to top it all off, I didn’t know what all the options were. If it was between going with this bright spirited lady or a mental ward, that would be an easy option for sure.
“A part of me wants to demand you choose me, but that’s not fair to you. Your wellbeing is worth more than my own wants,Koda. But whatever path you choose, I’d like it if you can at least stay in touch. So you know you’ll always have a place with me if life doesn’t let you go the way you want. It’s the least I can offer you.”
The more she talked, the more going with her sounded appealing. There would never be a hundred percent guarantee that anything would work out with her, either. Who knows, maybe going with her would be the worst choice out of everything. But my thoughts went back to the fact that no one had tried to fight for me. Try to fight for my own needs that I didn't know were there.
How could I ever heal, if it were a possibility, if I didn’t try. Would it even be worth trying? Or was I destined to always be lost in life? Lost in the rough sea of nothingness where monsters slept and preyed on the weak.
***
Dawn left about an hour later, saying she was going to go get supplies. Supplies for what, I didn’t ask. Or maybe that had just been an excuse to leave me, since I was good at making things awkward.
