My heart sank.
I’d watched enough shows and movies to know what that meant.
Despite the muttered words earlier, Jasper was going to push me away. He was going to draw that line that I was trying to shard to not cross over.
Friends weren’t going to be a thing between us after that talk. I didn’t need him to speak the words to know that.
I felt it deep in my bones.
If I thought surviving life was just bearable, heartache was ten times worse. At least I already had a pill in my system, and my tears had dried up for the time being.
Tomorrow, though, wasn’t going to be any easier.
Chapter 37
Christmas came and went, just like all the other holidays. Dawn got me more clothes, a new bed set, and another pair of headphones. Simple things, which worked out for me.
I had more than enough clothes in the closet to last every day of the year without ever having to do laundry. But I had my favorites, and Jasper’s sweater was one of them.
I hadn’t seen or heard from him for over three weeks, which could either be a good thing or bad. He was busy, but usually I at least saw him coming home from work.
I’d seen his car maybe once, but not a single glimpse of him. And I had been watching, wanting just one more moment to see him.
But as much as he was hiding from me, I was hiding from him, too. I didn’t want to have that talk. I didn’t want to lose a person that I now considered a possible friend.
I guess, I never viewed him as a friend until I was just about to lose him.
Dawn knew something was wrong with me, but I had no words on how to explain what was upsetting me. She pressed more often than I’d like, but I had yet to utter a word.
How could someone explain that my heart was breaking slowly while my crush moved on? I shouldn’t even like him like that, yet my heart wanted nothing more than to confess my stupid feelings. Feelings that I didn’t even understand.
So yeah, trying to get those words out in any way wasn’t going to work. Not even Dr. Shaw could get me to spill the secret.
Sitting in the living room, the tablet propped up against my knees with Jasper’s sweater that kind of kept me warm as the wind swirled outside with blowing snow. I was more interested in watching the world than reading. Which was my new normal lately.
I longed for days where life could be simple. I wanted the sun to be out, where I could just be on my swing and forget about the troubles my mind was obsessed with.
I perked up, seeing the slow-moving car come past the street. A car I hadn’t seen drive past before.
Setting my tablet aside, I made my way towards the window, folding my arms across my torso as I watched. It was hard to see too well with the swirling snow, but the car parked next door, and two people got out.
I watched as two adults went straight into the house, as though they lived there.
“Whatcha you watching out there?” Dawn asked, coming up beside me and peeking around the curtain.
I lifted a shoulder, since there really wasn’t anything to watch now. But no one would be out in this weather anyways.
“Ah. That must be Jasper’s parents. Mrs. Lee said they’d be stopping by sometime.”
Guess that made sense.
“Jasper’s not there.”
“He is. His car is probably in the garage on the other side of the house.”
Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. It wasn’t a room I went in to clean. Last I saw, it was filled with too much junk to get a car of any kind in there.
But that made more sense than Jasper just disappearing, and no wonder why I hadn’t seen him for so long.
