I didn’t catch her reply as she walked in the opposite direction to where I was heading.
Once the bucket was stashed away, and my hands were rewashed again, Jasper was there looking at me. It wasn’t like in a way where others had seen me that way before. He didn’t want to eat me like it was his last meal before dying. But the way he looked at me caused my stomach to swirl and my face to heat.
Jasper cleared his throat, and it seemed like it took more work than ever before for himto pull his gaze away from me. Usually, it was me that was the one to drop my eyes to the floor when someone looked at me.
“Uh…what kind of pizza? I got cheese and pepperoni. Grams said you weren’t picky…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair.
I was pretty sure I kind of went over that part with him before. I wasn’t picky. I wasnowin some ways, but when food was offered, I ate it because I once didn’t know when my next meal would be.
I walked closer and tapped the box that contained pepperoni. The cheesy goodness wafted upward, causing my stomach to growl again.
“What’s your favorite type?” He asked while putting a piece of the said pizza onto a paper plate and handing it to me.
I didn’t have one. As long as it didn’t have a few of the things I wasn’t a fan of, all pizza was good.
“I like supreme best. All the toppings and goodies. But this place only has simple ones, but I guess it makes a great spot for college kids,” he went on, dishing up his own piece. Or maybe it was his second piece.
I blinked.
“When does Dawn get home today?”
Did I look like a clock?I thought, then grunted out a sound. I had no clue when she’dbe home. Or if she was possibly home already.
Looking out the window, it looked like another snowstorm was likely to come through tonight, and I couldn’t stop the shiver that wracked me.
“Guess that was a stupid question,” he shook his head before taking a bite. “Eat, Koda.”
Some things wouldn’t ever change. At least with Dawn, I could eat without being told to do so. But in the presence of a male, I still had trouble getting over engraved habits.
I wasn’t sure things would change there, ever. It was bad enough that once in a while, if I heard a certain type of voice on a show or in a store, I’d freeze up and not be able to move until the moment passed. My otto control was switched on, and my brain would just know what to do.
I hated moments like that. I hated the feeling of waiting for the pain to come slapping across my head because I didn’t knee fast enough. I detested the hurt that filled me from deep within when a male voice yelled too loud, and I’d cower inward.
No amount of therapy was going to fix that. Just like it wasn’t going to fix my lack of talking.
“Koda?”
I glanced up from my mostly eaten piece of pizza, having not realized I had all but inhaled the thing. Jasper was looking at me in concern.
“Where’d you go just now?”
I pointed to my head, hoping that explained it well enough.
“Bad thoughts?”
I nodded slowly. How did he know?
“You know that I won’t hurt you,” he spoke slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. “Or you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.” He gave me a small smile. “But whatever you were thinking about, those thoughts should never be things that torment you. You’re too…. sweet for them to have.”
I flushed from both embarrassment and thankful for the words. I’d never been called sweet, exactly, like that before. But it also seemed like he wanted to use a different word instead but stopped himself.
“I hope someday, you’ll see just how much power you have. Not just in your thoughts, but in what you do.”
The look he gave me was filled with something I couldn’t name. It was like he wanted something from me, but knew I couldn’t give it to him. Like it was the only thing I held, and he wanted it so much. Or like he was willing to set me free, hoping I’d come fly back.
I shook my head, waving away the confused thoughts.
Chapter 31
