“Friends?” Could I do that? Could my heart take that much, at least? Or would I forever be stuck in the friend zone, wishing for more?
Gosh, did I want more. I wanted it all. I wanted what he was offering me more than I ever wanted anything else.
I wanted to use a kitchen made for baking. I wanted to share a space with a man I had crushed hard on for so long. I wanted to have meals ready for him to enjoy at the end of the day.
But at what cost to me, would that be?
Would he turn me away again? Would I push him to the brink of having enough of me?
Chapter 46
Later that week, and after another session with Dr. Shaw, I found myself wrapped in a pair of arms, the life being squeezed out of me.
“Can’t breathe,” I gritted out.
I couldn’t push away the small form, as my arms were pinned to my sides.
“Oops. Sorry.” The arms were gone as fast as they appeared, giving me space to turn around to come see Noah. “Hi!” He waved excitedly.
“Hi?”
I knew he’d be here, but I was kind of hoping that I’d sneak away before he showed up. Jasper didn’t exactly need my help painting. I couldn’t do a whole lot, my body tiring too quickly to do more than fetch him some water here and there.
I knew my lack of eating and sleeping was showing itself. But why did it have to do so now, when I was getting back to a good schedule, thanks to Jasper. He was making sure I ate at least two good meals, and snacks in between. Small steps, he said. We’d get to the point of having three meals in time.
“I missed you!” He hugged me again, and this time I was prepared for it. His hugwasn’t as tight, but lasted just as long. “I’m sooo happy to see you.”
Did he have to bounce while hugging me?
“Noah.”
I peeked over his head, seeing Asher standing there a few feet away, hands in his pockets.
My stomach dropped, as did my eyes.
That was why I wanted to run and hide. I didn’t want to face someone who had tried so hard to keep me together. Asher had tried so many times to reach out to me, as did Noah, and I ignored them so much. Noah, at least, didn’t seem to get hurt like that too badly. He’d bounce back, which, given his arms around me, was exactly what I thought.
“Hey.”
It took more effort to pull away from Noah. When I stepped back, Jasper’s arms wrapped around me from behind. Partly to keep me from running, partly to offer me safety.
“I brought pizza!” Beckett hollered as he entered the house, his voice loud.
“Yes!” Noah fist bumped the air.
“Go help Daddy.” Asher tilted his head towards the front of the house.
He waited until Noah was out of sight, and most likely out of ear shot, before stepping a bit closer. Asher lowered his voice. “If youever pull shit like that again, I won’t be so nice. I’ll kick in your door and drag you to get help. And you,”he pinned his deadly stare at Jasper next, “If you hurt Koda again, I’ll ring you up by your balls.”
“Thanks so much for that mental image,boy,” Jasper replied, not missing a beat. His tone made me shiver in a way that I wasn’t sure how to take. It wasn’t fear. It was the total opposite. “Next time, be sure to follow up on such a threat.”
“Oh, I will.” Asher brought his hands from his pockets, and pulled me into a hug that wasn’t nearly as tight as Noah’s, thankfully. “I’m glad to see you.”
“Sorry.” I hoped he knew I was sorry.
“I know, baby. Just…let us help next time. That’s what friends are for.”
I sniffed. “I’m working on that.”
