I could hear kids laughing and people talking from within, but at least I was alone. I didn’t count the odd bird that chirped in the distance.
I was out of the way of everyone now, and I was pretty much invisible, just like I preferred. I knew it wasn’t going to last, but I was for sure going to enjoy it while I could.
As the minutes ticked by and the swing rocked back and forth, my anxiety settled. It was still there; it always was when I was around the entire family. But it was ignorable.
I knew if it got too bad, I could get my bag and take a magic white pill. Or ask Scarlett or even Collin. Either of them would give me something. Heck, any other adult in there would.
Each of them knew my story. They knew not to push, for the most part, seeing me break into a sobbing, breathless mess more than once. It was through all that that I learned my boundaries on what I could handle.
I was doing tens better now than I once had. And I wanted to think I’d be doing just fine today if it weren’t for a certain someone having to change things up.
“Hey.” I looked up, pulled from my thoughts as Noah walked slowly towards me with a plate full of food.
“Can I...”
“You are the one person who doesn’t have to ask me that, No-No.” I patted the seat beside me.
“I think today, I kinda do. You aren’t yourself.”
I wanted to laugh. I didn’t know who I was, and being here didn’t help me solve any of that. Instead, as Noah sat beside me, offering the plate to me, I spoke. “I’m just messed up. I don’t know what I want these days.”
“You do know, but that’s okay to pretend you don’t.”
I shot him a look that he ignored.
“We’ll share, by the way. I know you won’t get your own food.”
I breathed through my nose, hating that he knew me too well. “Thanks.”
Most of the food was easy stuff I could handle. Bread, cheeses, and some other finger foods. “Your family is a lot. But I love them.”
“And they love you.” They really did. I knew they loved me too. “Just... It's hard. Everyone wants to talk to me.”
“Not everyone. Sage was quiet.”
The one adult who would mostly have the mind of a sixteen-year-old. I didn’t know too much about his history, but I knew Sage was a bit different because of it. He could hardly read, and he adored Sevon, who was all but a daddy to him. Those two didn’t have a BDSM type of life. It was just how they lived. And they were happily in love while doing so.
“He’s always quiet.” Unless it was just him and Noah, but I didn’t say that. “Sorry about Beck. Maybe he shouldn’t have come? I didn’t think-“
“He’s fine,” I cut him off. “I wasn’t up to driving today, so it’s all good. But he really needs to stop driving my anxiety crazy.”
“He doesn’t mean to.” Noah’s voice grew small.
I wasn’t so sure about that. “Even so, he does. It’s just who he is.”
“Was he the reason for you...the other night?”
“Not really.” I had to change that subject. “I figured he’d be at your side all day, though.”
“Sage wasn’t a huge fan of him,” he shrugged. “And Beck’s probably not sure what to do. This family is...”
“Loud and weird and chaotic at all times.” I finished, feeling a bit better now.
The plate was mostly empty now, and I think it was just Noah. He helped calm me the most out of everything.
“Yeah, all that.”
“Eh. I’m not worried. He butted his way in. Deserves him right.”
