“Okay.” I fiddled with the top of my shorts, eyes on the floor.
“I’ll be in the living room. Unless you want me to go. I will. Just say the words.”
“Noah asked. It’s fine.” It’d be better if they’d go back to Beckett’s place instead, but I really didn’t want to be alone. I’d probably still be in my room by myself, but at least I knew Noah was close by. I’d be fine.
“I...need something from the kitchen.”
“Sure. Tell me where it’s at.”
Yeah, not happening. It was probably bad enough that he’d gone looking through things.
“I can get it.”
“I got it, come on.” Noah squeezed past Beckett and straight to me. He grabbed my hand, dragging me to the room when the other man moved out of the way. “Be out in a bit, da-Beckett.”
I waited until I took the pill, the one that I should have taken last night to help ward off nightmares and panic. Once I swallowed it and lay in bed, Noah curled up beside me, and I spoke quietly. “You can call him whatever, sweetheart. I won’t care.” I would break a bit more each time but wasn’t the entire point in all of it.
“I wasn’t sure...” he trailed off. He shifted enough to lay his head on my chest. “You don’t like him.”
“I don’t like change.” That was true. “But as long as he treats you good.”
“He does. He’s super nice. And last night was amazing.”
I sighed, not wanting to hear about it, but knew Noah would tell me anyway. “We didn’t do anything but cuddle, play, and talk. I swear.”
“I’m not your parents. I don’t care if you have sex with the man.” Thankfully, my words came out tired instead of being filled with hatred. I really didn’t like the idea of Noah with any man. But that was selfish of me.
“He...wondered a lot about us. Together. He thinks we do more than cuddle.”
We never have. Not once. Never kissed, or touched each other in ways that would bring either of us to release. Which, given how close we were, it wasn’t surprising some people thought we were more.
“Just friends.”
I felt the meds kicking in, dulling my thoughts as my heartbeat slowed. “Always friends, No-no.”
“I...wouldn’t mind if we did more. Sometime.”
As the pill pulled me under, I wasn’t able to respond. I hoped, maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me as sleep claimed me.
***
I woke up alone, which was for the best. Even if my heart threatened to hate me for the thoughts.
Other than that, I felt more like myself. It was early, way too early at that. There were no noises in the house besides my loud thoughts in my head.
Pushing myself to sit up, I looked at the half-cracked door. I wasn’t sure how many times Noah and in turn, Beckett had checked on me. I felt someone touch me a few times during the night.
Not wanting to dwell on the fact that it was sweet of them to worry so much, I turned my gaze to the nightstand, finding everything I could possibly need. Even a package of crackers that hadn’t been there the night before.
Darn it, why did they have to be so nice? It wasn’t going to help keep my resolve by putting distance between me and Noah.
After a few seconds of scowling at my thoughts, I stood and quietly walked to the door. The TV was off, but the light in the kitchen above the stove was on, just like I preferred.
Not daring to look over the couch, I went to the bathroom to pee before going back to the room. I left the door cracked like it had been minutes before, crawling back into bed.
It was too soon to start the day, yet too late to really go back to sleep. Not when I still had to drive to Scarlett’s.
I wasn’t looking forward to it, but it wasn’t all that often I drove back home to see everyone. Plus, it wasn’t for me. I’d never tell the sweetest five-year-old I wasn’t going to make it. That’d break her heart.
