I didn’t have any friends who would want to show up here. And family didn’t count.
“Okay. I’ll stay.” Noah shot me a huge smile before I slipped from the booth.
Chapter 23
“You work too much.” Noah’s words were spoken through a yawn. His arm was looped through mine, and he was leaning more on me than his own two legs.
On any other night, I’d have been home by now. But Noah’s leg was still giving him some trouble, even though he tried to deny it. More than once.
“And you live too far away.”
“Next time, I’ll make you go home if you keep pouting.” No, I wouldn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Meanie.”
I probably did work too much, but it kept the monsters that wanted to creep in at night away.
“How can you even walk?” he muttered, shuffling his feet along the sidewalk. “It’s too late to do this. And you do it every night.”
Not to mention, in the cold weather, too. But I wasn’t going to say that.
“I got a question.” I could see the apartment just a little way away now. There was hardly any traffic this late at night, making it feel like a deserted town. “How little have you gone?”
Noah had mentioned more than once that he was a little and that he wanted a daddy. But there were other things he wanted too. We hadn’t really ever gone more in-depth in it.
“I...don’t know.” He was lost in thought as we entered the apartment. He didn’t speak again until we were on the second flight of stairs. “I don’t want diapers. But a bottle maybe, like when I have the worst day ever. But I don’t think I could go that...small unless I know I have trust in the person. Like you. I could go that little. And I probably have this week. Or I could have, if given the chance.”
“You know I’d be there for you if you wanted to try.”
“Oh, I know. But you aren’t a daddy. More like a big brother. Or cousin. Or something like that.”
Once in the apartment, I slipped off my shoes as Noah shut and locked the door. At least he had kept the lights on so I didn’t have to bother to find my way through the dark. There were many times I had stubbed my toe on something.
“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” I was beyond tired. Friday and Saturday were the worst days where all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for hours if not days.
“I kinda want to ask for more chocolate milk.”
I turned, slowly walking backward so I could see Noah. Was he joking, or was he really wanting more? He had three cups tonight already. Plus the two before I even went to work.
“Water, Noah.”
“I only said I wanted to ask....but I didn’t ask.” He held his chin up, almost like he was trying to test the waters.
“Water,” I repeated, getting to the bathroom. I shook my head and shut the door behind me.
Sometimes, like right now, I wished I could be more for him. Be that dom and daddy he needed. I was good at being the caretaker, setting rules where they needed to be, but there were parts of him that matched my own secret parts. The desires of things that we were both too scared to say out loud.
There had to be something that spoke to us when we didn’t even have to say the words. I didn’t know how far Noah’s desires went. How dark or twisted they could be. Mine.... sometimes mine were so dark, no one would ever possibly want me. So twisted that it’d be a turn-off.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever find someone who would want to explore those parts of me. Which was a good enough reason to keep anyone that wasn’t Noah far away.
What I did last weekend by letting Oscar use the ropes on me only opened more windows that I wanted to explore. It was bad enough to think about it. But to really go through and do some of the thoughts that would pop up....I’d have to be crazy to even think about doing such things.
Lost in thought, a knock on the door caused me to jerk.
“You okay?” Noah peaked his head in, not bothering to wait for an answer.
“Yeah. Sorry. Just tired. I spaced off for a bit.” I faked a smile, hoping he’d buy my lie for a bit.
