“I won’t call him. I...I don’t know his number. So....yeah.” He lifted his shoulder before meeting my eyes. “Thank you.”
“You hungry?”
“Grilled cheese?”
“I can definitely do that.” At my response, Noah gave a small smile before dropping his eyes again.
“I missed your cooking.”
“Oh? Just my food?”
“You, too.”
Even though he didn’t see it, I gave him a small smile. Leaving Noah to his thoughts, I took the bag of food towards the kitchen.
While I got the pan and food items out, Noah’s shuffling steps made their way towards me. I waited until he was sitting at the counter, the only seating place I had to eat other than the couch. I gave him plenty of time to sit before turning to face him.
“I....I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say a single thing.” Did he know that I understood? “It’s okay. It’ll be fine.”
He didn’t say anything until I sat a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich, cut into two triangles in front of him. I stood a few feet away, not wanting to crowd him, yet wanting to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.
“Thank you. For everything.”
I made some sort of noise around a bite of my own sandwich.
“I missed your grilled cheese.” A pause as he shoved another bite into his mouth. “He...he didn’t let me have this for a meal. Always said it was unhealthy.”
“Guess I’ll be making it often for you, then.” I didn’t mind doing so. I’d done it before. “Among all the other favorites you missed.”
“Da...Matthew didn’t let me have a lot of that stuff.”
“He was your daddy?” I hoped I heard that wrong.
“I...I...”
“It’s okay.” I sat my half-eaten sandwich down before cupping the side of his face. Noah tilted his head into my palm, eyes closing at the touch. “I know about that...way of life. Remember, my family is a bit odd at times.”
“Right.” The word was mumbled. Like he was ashamed about what he wanted when I already knew who he was. Littles were never the type to hide their true desires.
“He wasn’t a good one for you.” Not when it kept my best friend away from me for so long.
“I don’t want to go back.” His eyes flashed open, tears filling them as he stared at me. “I don’t like his punishments.”
“You never have to. You’re safe.” I’d tell him that over and over for however long I needed to.
“Safe. Right. Sure.”
That was something I understood all too well, too. The idea of really being safe. That had taken me a long time, and I still doubted that some days.
“Did you like him....as your....uh...daddy?” I asked before I could think not to.
“At first.” He swallowed before glancing up at me. With his eyes back on his plate where a small portion of the sandwich was, he continued. “I like the idea. Having someone take care of me, having rules, and just not having to worry about things. That is what I liked. Do like. At first, he wasn’t bad. He was nice. Kind, even. His rules made sense. But then...he made more rules. Ones I couldn’t follow and it....I didn’t like being punished. I wanted to be good, but Matthew said I was always bad. That’s why....”
“It’s okay.” I pulled him against my chest, feeling his hands clutch my shirt. “You are good.”
“It wasn’t...corner time wasn’t bad, Asher. But then he did other things. Took away food, and locked me in my room. And he got so mean.”
