“Give this a try, Asher. That’s all I want. Try to figure out what you want, and figure out who you are. The last part may take days to years. But I won’t give up on you.”
Chapter 12
Age 17
Standing on the back porch, elbows leaning on the banister, I let the breeze rustle my hair. The storm clouds in the distance were slowly growing darker and darker.
A year ago, I’d have begged a higher power to bring that storm here, to wipe everything away, my life included. A year ago, I’d have gladly not fought to keep a life that meant nothing to me.
I was a slave. Was.
Sometimes, I still saw myself as that, but as the days passed, I looked at things differently.
I was a human being. I had a beating heart, feelings, and wants. I had a voice to use when I needed or wanted.
The in past three hundred and so odd number of days, I went from wanting to do things I knew, like serving a man with my mouth, to understanding that wasn’t how a kid should ever be treated or seen.
I’ve seen life, seen death. I’ve felt pain, caused pain. And now, I got to stand here, looking at life like it was mine. Mine had to do with how I wanted.
I wasn’t sure who I was. I had a name. I had a place to sleep and food to eat. A home, but it didn’t feel like my home.
Am I happy now? No. Content? Yes. I had things I never knew I needed. I had friends.
Dakota was one of my best friends. Or the only one was better to say. He understood me in a way that never needed to be explained. He knew when I just needed silence. And he knew when I needed to bake cookies or a cake.
My lips turned up slightly. I did love to cook, and it was a great way to get some of the anger away.
There weren't many days I spent filled with anger and hurt at the world. I could easily spend every day feeling miserable and horrible at things I couldn’t change. But I didn’t want to. There wasn’t a point in hating everything when I got to be here. Alive.
Shifting so I leaned more on the banister, I soaked up the sun that beat down upon my skin. It was rare to get a moment around here alone like this unless I was in my room. Given the first three months of being in this house with Scarlett and Dominic, and of course their son Zee, I had kept to the one room I knew no one would bother me.
Okay, that was a lie. Zee bothered me. All the time. But I never pushed him away. Ever.
He was like the little brother I never had. Sweet and quiet, yet held secrets that I understood, too. He didn’t need to say what happened to him in the past, because a part of my soul knew.
Speaking of which, Zee sneaked out the back door and slid up beside me. It was a bit unfair that at the age of six, he was already almost up to my chest.
“Hey, kiddo.”
At the nickname, he huffed but leaned into my body like he belonged there. He was always wanting to touch me, which at first kind of freaked me out. But over time, it was just who he was to those he liked. And I seemed to be his second choice if Dominic wasn’t around.
Dominic was okay, I guess. He kept to himself and gave me my space. It felt like he wasn’t sure what to do about me. Afraid to talk to me sometimes. It probably didn’t help that my answers when he asked me things were always clipped.
It was something I was working on. My current therapist was attempting to help, but even then everything was still in a work in progress.
“Where’s your parents at?”
Normally, or at least a good portion of the time, there were always others here. Half of them I didn’t know the names of, even after a year. Scarlett had a brother, who had three kids and a wife. Those kids were loud. And that was when I hid in the room, or even the barn. The barn was safe with the horses.
“Collin’s here.” Zee’s answer was just loud enough for me to hear. “His...Emmy.”
Yeah, that was a bit confusing. And I was sure that Zee was too young to explain why that man had two other adults who lived with him. Some things were better left to be unsaid.
“Silas here too?”
Zee nodded against me. That made more sense on why this little guy was clinging to me, then. Silas wasn’t the friendliest person, mostly because he had no clue what to do about a kid. And, not to mention, Zee got overwhelmed too quickly.
From what I had picked up over the last few times all three had been here, both Silas and Emily were also saved from human trafficking. Neither of them talked about it, and I tried to keep my distance from them anyway. Not just from them, but from everyone.
