Wasn’t that what I was already doing?
The flooring changed against my feet once again as Carson led me somewhere. When there were no other sounds but my own labored breathing, did he remove the blindfold from my eyes. I blinked against the dull light.
“Put these on.” I nearly dropped the clothes that were shoved into my arms.
I didn’t bother to look at the rags, my toes catching in some of the holes of the dirty pants. I mentally questioned what was going on, but did as I was old.
“You are going to die tonight, number eight. Nothing I do will change that. Mr. S wants to make a scene, but those two guards are more afraid of me than they act. So I’m really doing you a favor.”
Tears clouded my vision as he talked.
Why was I all of a sudden terrified of what was to come? Why did my heart beat so quickly in my chest, like it was about to explode?
Death would be merciful. Anyone of my kind would agree.
“That’s what gets you to cry? Seriously?”
I shrugged, wiping away the tears that fell. When was the last time I cried?
“I’m sorry this is how it has to be.” Why was he sorry? It wasn’t like he had the option to do anything. It wasn’t like he could just let me go. “It’s better I do it. Quick and easy. There won’t be any pain. Unlike what Mr. S would be doing. Well, he’d let you be used like before. He’d make a game out of it. He always does.”
I nodded, trying to take a deep breath in to stop the sobs that wanted to burst forth.
“We gotta get going.” He gave me a sad smile, then a tilt towards another door. “Gotta go the back way.”
I had to get a grip. I knew death was going to come to collect me. I just wasn’t exactly expecting it to be like this.
I figured I’d be going with tears in my eyes, and begging for someone to end me. I wasn’t expecting that I’d be walking to my own death on two feet, least of all willingly.
Step after step, I was ushered out of the place that was basically my home. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Torn between leaving this world, and wanting to stay.
Carson had a hand on my neck, a mix of keeping me moving forward and not running off like my feet were demanding me to do.
As we reached outside, my lungs cried out as I took the first breath of air. It had been years since I got to be outside. Just seeing the sunlight through a window wasn’t good enough.
My simple breath turned into a full-blown sob, and my legs gave out right then and there. Carson was forced to let my body go, going limp against the rocky ground.
I’d never get to be free. I’d never find the peace I knew was out there. It wouldn’t matter if I lived or died. Those things would forever be out of reach.
“Fuck.”
The next moment, I was lifted up into the air and flopped over Carson’s wide shoulder. My sobs were briefly stopped at the motion.
Was this what giving up felt like? Knowing that death was in my grasp, I felt nothing and everything all at once.
I should be happy. I should be ready to open my arms and let fate have its say.
Trying to shut everything off was impossible. So instead, I let my body go limp and turned my head. I couldn’t see much through the tears, but what I could see was the pitch-black skyline. A few stars dotted the sky.
If this was the last thing I got to see, then so be it.
“Forgive me, Asher. Please.”
Those were the last words uttered before Carson flipped me back over, laying me in the trunk of a car. The small light shined in my eyes for a brief second before he poked something into my neck. Then, the lid closed me in, giving me sweet relief as death grabbed ahold of me with both of its arms.
Chapter 10
Whispers, soft as a breeze, reached my ears through the quiet. The second thing I noticed was the mattress my body lay on. It was a thousand times better than the bunk I had spent at least the past year sleeping on. A blanket, or maybe it was two, laid over my form.
