“I know, and I’m not exactly changing, per se. Perhaps growing is a better term?”
I nodded. “I’m listening.”
“Please have an open mind?” Jude added, his face showing his nervousness.
“Of course.” I cocked my head to the side, studying him.Where is he going this time?I wondered, a cold sweat peppering my skin.
“So, we both liked how last week ended.” I gave him a nod when he paused, remembering it well. As did another member of my body, which was currently twitching in my pants.
“I want that again. But only if you’re okay with it. If not, that’s okay too. I won’t push. I just…I liked doing that and I want more. I have spoken to both Destri and Eli. Destri has agreed to work with me a few more times, just to make sure I don’t hurt you. They’ve both also given me some tips on how to go about this and––”
I scooted closer to Judah and placed a hand on his bouncing knee. “Breathe, babe.”
He immediately took a gasping breath in, followed by another.
“Sorry. Just wanted to get it all out before I lost my nerve.”
“You’re doing fine. Tell me your idea.”
“You really want to hear it?” he asked, hopeful.
“Yes, I do,” I responded without hesitation. “You’ve obviously been thinking about this since you left my place, so I know it’s well thought out. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t really want anyone else giving me what I need from here on out.”
“Oh–o–kay,” he stammered, nodding slowly. “So, my idea…. Zeek, I want to be your everything. When you need pain, I want to be the one you go to. But in order for that to happen, I need to know every limit. Every worry and fear. Just as you need to know mine.”
“Okay.” I moved closer so that I could whisper in his ear. “You already are, Jude. You are my everything and so much more.” I pulled back, letting the words settle.
To most people, that declaration would have been too soon. But not for us. There was no possible way it could be. Not after we’d shared a space and a soul for as long as we had without realizing it.
“I don’t believe in fate, but I wasn’t myself without you, Jude. It took you coming back into my life to make me see that. And now that I have, I don’t want anyone else except you.”
“Zeek…”
“You saying you don’t feel whatever this is between us?” I asked, cutting him off.
When Judah spoke, his words were barely above a whisper. “I thought I was crazy.”
“If that’s the case, then so am I.” I gave him a sad smile. “We don’t ever need to feel crazy again, Kid. We both know we’re crazy for one another. And that’s perfectly okay.” His eyes bounced between my own, as if searching for something.
“A–A list. I have a list we need to go over.” Judah shook his head, focusing on the task at hand.
“Go on,” I urged, quickly realizing that I was going to need another cup of coffee.
Judah cleared his throat before opening the notebook he’d brought with him. Taking a deep breath, he dove into the first item on his list.
Judah
Iwasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse, but Zeek took my list in stride. He didn’t even bat an eye at some of the things I had written down. And he answered all of my questions without hesitation or annoyed sighs.
Maybe, just maybe, this will all work out,I thought, hopeful.
“Anything else on that list of yours?” he asked after coming back with another cup of coffee.
“Subspace.” I grimaced as soon as the words left my mouth, certain it would get some sort of reaction. Which, as expected, it did. When I met his eyes, I could see a wall beginning to form. In truth, I’d had expected that before now, but of course I knew this was the hardest limit he had.
“I need to know why you hate it so much.” I dared a glance at him before dropping my eyes to the table where my fingers gripped each other.
“I hate feeling weak. Or having to depend on another to make sure I stay safe.” His words were quiet, soft. His hand reached across the table, resting on top of my own. “Maybe, with the right person, I’d try it. However, the few times I’ve been there, it’s not exactly been an experience I’ve particularly enjoyed.”
