Wrapping one of my arms around his trembling body, my fingers trailed a path along his spine, slipping around his shoulder to tighten my hold on him. Almost immediately, he mumbled incoherently before falling still against me.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he, too, suffered from nightmares. And if he did, were they as bad as mine? Deep down, I hoped Jude didn’t have to deal with the same things I did. Because I knew if he did, there was nothing I could do to help him. Instead, I would spend my days wishing I could take away his pain.
I don’t know how long I’d been lying awake before my body gave in and I eventually dozed back off, but I was grateful it found me. Sure, it wasn’t the deep, blissful sleep I’d been in earlier. However, it did allow my brain to shut off, if only for a moment.
The sun had risen, painting the bedroom in rays of orange and pink by the time Jude let out a faint groan. Lifting his head, he rested his chin on my inner shoulder and gave me a soft smile.
“Hi,” he mumbled, his cheeks flushed with color, making the few freckles he had under his eyes appear darker for a moment.
“Morning,” I murmured, unsure what else to say.
Laying his head back on my chest, draping a leg over both of mine in the process. “I like this.”
I cleared my throat before answering, my chest tight. “Me too.” Judah hummed in contentment, relaxing against me as my fingers mindlessly ran up and down his back.
While I refused to focus on what I was feeling or trying to put a name to it, I knew without a doubt that this was definitely something I could get used to. Feelings had always been a pain in the ass for me. I never did well with them. So, I figured if I just tried to focus on the here and now, things would be far less complicated.
“How about some breakfast?” Jude’s words were whispered, but they still caused me to tense for some unexplained reason. He must have felt it because a second later he shimmied his body up my side to lay his head right next to mine on my pillow.
“This doesn’t have to be awkward, Zeek.” One of his hands came up to gently brush away a few tendrils of hair that had fallen into my face before dipping down to my jawline. “It’s just us. Don’t overthink it, okay?”
“Kay.”No promises,I thought, unwilling to say the words aloud.
My eyes slipped closed as his fingers made a pass across my nose. I hummed in pleasure as Jude pressed his lips to mine, adding a bit more pressure with each passing second. Then, just as quickly as it had begun, he pulled back.
When I cracked my eyes open, I was met with his dark brown irises. But that isn’t what took my breath away. It was what I saw reflected in their chocolatey depths that gave me pause. There was no doubt, no flight or fright…nothing. It was just Judah.
Shit.
“I––”
“How are you? Your back, I mean.”
“Sore, but good.”
He gave me a nod, like he was mentally checking off items on a list that was in his head. For all I knew, that could have been exactly what he was doing.
“Is there any other aftercare I need to be aware of? Eli didn’t really say anything about that, and I don’t want to screw this up.”
“I don’t think you could ever fuck this up, Kid.”
He huffed at the nickname, but let a small smile cross his lips. “But I’m not entirely sure how to do everything.”
“You’re doing great,” I assured him, pressing my lips against his for a moment. Pulling back, I went on. “I’ll have to introduce you to my shed. I have a few things that I’d be happy to work with you on learning. That is, assuming you want to.” I wasn’t the type to keep such things secret. Especially from Judah. But there was something unreadable in his expression that made me question if I had pushed too far.
“Never mind. Don’t worry about it. We can just be––”
“Shut up, Zeek,” Jude said, his voice sterner than I had ever heard from him before.
Instantly, I shut my mouth, eyes wide with shock.
“Sorry,” he dropped his gaze for a second before meeting mine again. “We don’t need to be awkward about this. Or anything else for that matter. That’s not who we are. You just have to give me a minute to process something like that first. This is all still very new to me.”
I gulped, but gave out a nod.
Behind the fake wall of rakes, I hid a few pieces of BDSM furniture that I’d acquired this past year. It wasn’t much…just a cross and a wooden box that held a few toys in it. Most of which were still in their original packages. I never thought I’d actually use any of it when I bought them, but since Judah was adamant about giving me what I needed, it seemed appropriate to mention.
Most people wouldn’t think anything of it, but between my nosy parents and brothers, it was best that I kept it hidden out there. It wasn’t exactly something I wanted to explain to anyone any time soon. Especially them.
