My soul may hurt, but I was nothing more than a shattered masterpiece.
Judah
Ijerked as another loud bang sounded from the door. I didn’t want to answer and had grown quite good at pretending to not be home.Why can’t everyone just leave me alone? Didn’t they know I was a lost cause? Just let me suffer alone, God damn it!
“Open up, Jude! I know you’re in there!” Eli yelled, his voice muffled by the heavy door.
With the most drawn-out sigh I could muster, I stood from the couch, my feet shuffling along the worn gray carpet to the door.
“You look like shit,” he greeted as soon as the door opened, his green eyes taking in my lovely appearance.
I remained silent as I stood shirtless, awaiting an explanation for his unexpected visit. He was lucky that I had a pair of worn black sweatpants on, even if they were slung low on my hips. And who cared that my hair was slightly crazy––half of it flopping up on its own while the other half lay flat.
“We’re going out.” It wasn’t a suggestion, but rather a plain demand. He pushed the door open farther, passing me in the doorway. “Go take a shower.”
“I’m good. Thanks,” I murmured as I shuffled back toward the couch. Before I could flop back down on its worn surface, a hand on my forearm stopped me. I let out a hiss, but Eli simply raised a brow. He was the only person in my life that could so easily call me out on all my shit without ever speaking a word. And heaven knew there was certainly enough of it.
“You’ve been holed up in here for three days. You either go out with me willingly, or I’ll drag you to a mental ward unwillingly. The choice is yours.”
I gulped at the memory of the first and only time Eli followed through with that threat.
I’d been refusing to eat for weeks following my escape and Eli had finally had enough. While I would never admit it to him now, I still had issues with eating some days. It was something I would likely have to deal with for the rest of my life.
“Where are we going?” I murmured as I stared longingly at the couch and the soft blanket I so desperately wanted to wrap around my shoulders.
Some days I wished I could be a kid again and pretend the world outside my door didn’t exist. But alas, such childish fantasies were no longer within my grasp.
“Out.” His eyes quickly looked me up and down, his expression never changing. “Now, go get a shower and get dressed. Maybe you can at least attempt look like you’re a human?”
“‘Kay.”
When I emerged from the bedroom a short while later, I’d dressed in a black shirt and jeans. While my clothing would have no problems passing as presentable, my hair was a lost cause. Flopping across my forehead and almost into my eyes it resembled an old worn-out mop. I sauntered back out into the living area and found Eli in the kitchen with a plate of toast and a pile of pills ready for me to take.
Shit.
“Yeah, Judes, I know.” He pinned me with that simple look, chin tilted downward. I knew at that moment there was no point in denying it or trying to lie because Eli already knew the truth: I hadn’t wanted to take them, so I didn’t.
“You wouldn’t be struggling so bad if you’d just take your meds.” His voice turned down a notch. It was the voice he used that told me there was no room left for me to even think about arguing. Not that I had the energy to do so.
I muttered a fake apology. “Sorry.” Eli sighed in frustration, knowing there was nothing he could do. Of course, I knew what hewantedto do to me.
Eli was all about rules that were meant to be followed, lines never crossed. Everything in his life was structured. And then there was me…my entire life was a wreck. I’m sure from the outside it looked chaotic, no rules or guidelines to direct my daily activities. And that wasn’t entirely wrong.
“If you’re not going to take your meds on your own, I’m going to start showing up every morning to ensure that you do,” he nodded towards the three small pills. “Your only other option is to move in with me.” He pinned me with a hard stare. “You may not be my sub, Judah, but youwilltake care of yourself.”
I nodded because I didn’t have the energy to fight him.
“You and I both know that you’d feel better if you just took care of yourself.”
I gave a one shoulder shrug while taking a big bite of the toast. I wasn’t entirely sure about that, but I would never tell Eli that. Each day I woke up tired, depressed, and utterly lost. Nothing, not even a few pills, would change that.
Ever since I’d been taken, I couldn’t seem to put much care into anything. Hell, I couldn’t even function most days. Some days, I found myself wishing I hadn’t been able to escape. At least when I was with the man who called himself my owner, I didn’t have to worry about what I needed to do in order to keep myself alive that day. The pain he caused me was nothing compared to what I caused myself these days.
“I’m not giving up on you, Judah. Not ever.” His words caused me to look up and I was immediately met by his penetrating stare. At that moment, I knew without a doubt that he meant every word. Everyone else in the world could fade away and I knew that Eli would still be there, pushing me.
After I had finished eating, Eli carried my plate to the sink and rinsed it off before turning to make sure I’d taken my pills. He didn’t need to say a word because I could feel the disappointment seeping off of him.
“So, my plan for today is to show you something.”
