It didn’t change the fact that I’d strangled my best friend. Or that I’d had to make him bleed.
Oh, God. All that blood.
Shoving the notebook off my lap, I ran to the bathroom. I got there just in time before the fruit I had this morning made a reappearance.
His blood would forever be stained on my hands and in my mind. The feel of the knife would be branded against my palm as I pushed the tip into his side. The thick red liquid would never end. Even in my dreams.
I gagged, out of breath and out of hope.
I didn’t deserve to feel content here. I didn’t deserve to let any hope stew beneath the surface.
I was destined to live a life of misery, alive or dead.
I jerked when a hand lightly touched my back. “Just me, Ree.”
Ryker.
At his voice, I burst into sobs. I didn’t know what else to do. Or how to keep on going. Or how to do anything, for that matter.
“He’s gone.”
“I’m so sorry.”
A sob caught in my throat as a warm cloth was wiped across my face.
“Ryker.” Somehow, I was able to make his name pass my lips and I clung to him.
I should push him away, tell him to leave me alone. I did the exact opposite. I needed him, because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep living if he didn’t hold me together.
Ryker
Finally, Emery had calmed down. It took longer, or at least felt like it, than the other times he’d had panic attacks. Seeing him like that tore me apart more and more. I’d never felt so helpless.
Now, Emery’s head was laying in my lap as we lounged on the couch. Every so often, his body was wracked with chills. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was cold or it was the after-effects of yet another panic attack.
Scarlett stayed until she was sure that I was in the right mind to keep watch over the boy. From looking at her face, I knew it was better for me not to know what she was planning.
“Ryker?” Emery’s voice brought me out of my head. The TV was on low, but neither of us was really watching it.
“Yeah?”
“I miss him. Enzo. So much.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I simply ran my hand through the strands of his hair. How was one supposed to say that they understood that? I hadn’t exactly lost someone, not the way Emery had.
“Tell me about him.”
It took him a moment to think. When I thought he was maybe not up to telling me anything, he spoke. His voice was quiet, sad.
“He was my light.” Emery turned so his face was upwards. His eyes were red.
I glanced at his hands, finding them clutching the picture Scarlett had cut out for him.
“When I first met him, he was homeless. But he knew the streets. All the hiding places. How to get food. Everything. He was…” A small smile graced his lips for a moment. “Sweet when he noticed me.” Emery took a deep breath. “It was my job to bring someone in. Steven wanted someone younger, but Enzo caught my attention. He was different. He was eighteen, and I wasn’t all that much older. And I really was tired of being so lonely. I thought I could have him as a friend. I didn’t know that Steven was going to use him against me, and me against him.”
Another shiver rocked through his body.
“Enzo… he was the one that kept me going. He never once held anything that happened against me. Even though I’m sure that’s what Steven wanted. It was us against the world. Until Steven made me…” He stopped himself.
