Maybe it was a bit of dirt mixed with piss. Or vomit. Or everything yet nothing.
Death had a smell, though. I knew that for a fact.
Each beat of my heart got me closer to the last. I was sure I was down to less than an hour now.
Steven had handed me off, this time with muffled words of ending me once and for all. My time was coming.
Finally.
Even with a throbbing head—everything throbbed, so that was nothing new—I felt sort of relieved to know my pathetic life was almost over.
I couldn’t wait.
Getting out of Steven’s clutches once and for all was so worth the past few days. The constant disobeying. The constant talking back.
I welcomed death with both arms.
I was a willing seeker.
Lost in my thoughts, I was startled when the van pulled to a quick stop. My body was tossed towards the back. I didn’t go far, as the rope around my arms pulled tight.
Just when I was starting to worry, the back doors were flung open, letting the dry air whoosh around me. I breathed in as deep as my sore lungs allowed before there were too many voices. Too many hands. And too many lights.
None of the words made sense, even as I was untied and led to another vehicle. The lights were bright, but the hands that steered me and the voices that spoke too softly confused me.
Why couldn’t I just die? Why couldn’t they just freaking let me go already? Hadn’t I been through enough?
How much more could I take?
I was done.
So freaking done.
More lights. More hands. More words. Over and over.
Before I knew it, the doors were shut and the new vehicle was moving. This time, instead of me being tied to the side of a van, I was on a bed, the material scratching the bare parts of my body.
My mind shut down, just like it always did when people I didn’t want were touching me. It blocked everything around me as I asked for death over and over.
Words may not have been spoken aloud, but the feeling was all the same.
Couldn’t this just all end? Hadn’t I suffered enough?
Emery
The thumping of a heart was right beneath my ear. Usually, that would have freaked me out. So would the arm that was laid across my back, a steady strength anchoring me to the world. But the person I was lying on was safe.
I wasn’t ready to come back to the land of the living just yet.
Right now, it was as close to feeling content that I could get. I didn’t have to worry about what was to come next. There was no panic on the edge of my feelings that I was always constantly trying to keep at bay.
And, for once, there was no Steven lurking and waiting. There was nothing but myself and the man I was using as a full-body pillow.
Keeping my eyes closed, I pressed my face into his chest, soaking up whatever I could. It had been so long since I was able to feel anything close to what I was right now. I never wanted it to end, even though I knew I was right on the edge of losing this and going back to nothingness.
I breathed in the scent of Ryker, enjoying the way he smelled more than I probably should.
A hand rubbed gently up and down my back, nearly luring me back to sleep. My body certainly could use more. I didn’t think I’d ever get caught up on it.
