At the moment, I thought I’d do whatever he wanted as long as I got to keep the super soft blanket. Sure, it may be the middle of spring, but the comfort was more than I could ever ask for.
With the black blanket wrapped around my shoulders, I sat by the back windows. I didn’t dare open the door to the yard, even if the fence was high enough to hide me from anyone.
Instead, I sat on the floor, letting the rays reach past the glass and shine on me. The blanket helped let the warmth seep into my aching body. My head rested against the wall, legs outstretched.
It was the most relaxed I could get with everything going on in my head. I was just thankful that thoughts weren’t bombarding me at the moment.
I would even dare to say I was content to just sit here. Alone.
I didn’t want to be alone, but there was no choice. I’d made my bed, and now I was to sleep in it.
I guess it was a better trade-off than being hit and punched. I didn’t have to fear where the pain was going to come from next. I didn’t have to worry about breathing wrong.
I was just able to…be.
Something I didn’t know I could do.
For years, even with my parents, Mom would yell at me for being too loud. I learned at a young age to be careful of what I said or did.
I left one controlling household for another.
Now, at least by myself, I didn’t have to worry about doing something to annoy another. I could just sit here and do nothing. It took too much energy to do anything more than that. Just breathing was tiring.
I didn’t see myself ever being happy. There was no way I could be after what I’d done.
But, for just a moment, I could take comfort in the small gift that Ryker had given me. I’d deal with whatever he wanted later.
Soon enough, day turned to night. As I stood up from the floor, I passed the piece of paper on the counter. I hadn’t eaten lunch. Nor dinner.
I wasn’t hungry.
I made my way back to the couch. There, I wrapped the blanket even tighter around my shoulders before laying my head on the arm.
Over the past few years, I’d learned to fall asleep just about anywhere. Heck, I sometimes fell asleep bound and forced to stand—all because Steven wanted to test my limits. Sometimes, he wanted to see how long I could go without sleep. Other times he wanted to teach me a lesson.
Sometimes, I wanted to kill him. I still did.
Whatever Steven wanted, he got. Always. All but one thing, and now, that would never happen. Even if I were to die, he’d still fail to gain my love.
Gulping, I pushed that thought away.
I didn’t want to think. I was done. It was better to stay numb to it all. Numb to all the pain. To the hurt. To…everything.
I wanted to shout, to beg, to make it all go away.
Instead, all I could do was lie here. Nothing was going to change.
Sixty-five days to go.
Ryker
Ileaned against the counter, enjoying the moment of quietness. I knew once I sat back down at my desk, research and more paperwork would be in order. Along with phone calls.
It all came with the job.
When my father passed away a couple of years ago, I had been lucky to inherit all of his life savings. There was plenty there to keep me living happily for many, many years. Not to mention my own savings I’d acquired over the years on top of it. The early retirement plan through the police department helped, too.
Looking at the clock, I saw it was half past nine. By now, Emery should have eaten breakfast. I figured it was best to go over and check up on him before I dug back into the file. There wasn’t a whole lot more I could do with the case until I got the rest of it. There were too many blanks that didn’t add up.
