Emery
Raindrops hit the window, causing little rivers to trickle to the bottom. My eyes tracked each one, then moved to the next as that line disappeared beneath the sill.
I wished I could smell the freshness as the drops fell from the sky. The cold wind wouldn’t even bother me. Feeling something other than this numbness might wake me up, make me see how lucky I truly was.
I didn’t feel lucky. I was…defeated. Lonely. Lost. Everything that was the opposite of what these people were telling me.
They said I was a survivor, but I was barely living. How could I survive something like this and be able to tell the story? As if I were the hero?
I was anything but the hero. I was the villain. The creature that lurked under the bed and in the closet.
I chose my path, and I begged for death.
Instead, I got this. Stuck in a white, sterile room with nothing of my own.
I wasn’t sure why I’d been spared. Why me? That would forever be the question.
I blinked, my eyes adjusting to the world beyond the window. I hadn’t been out there for what seemed like years. Not of my own free will.
I had been forced into doing what I had to survive, to keep living even when I wanted it all to end. And even then, it was pure hell.
“Emery?”
The voice was calm, quiet. Patient. The opposite of what I’d known for so long. Still, even after however long I’d been in here, the person always seemed to talk to me like I’d break apart.
I didn’t think I could break any more. Everything was already scattered like puzzle pieces. It’d been that way ever since—
No. I couldn’t think his name, or any of the others.
I turned my head slightly, letting the person know I’d heard her. It was the least I could do. It wasn’t her fault I was here.
“I hear you get to leave tonight,” she stated, slowly entering the room. Her shoes squeaked with each step along the tiled floor. I gritted my teeth, knowing what the consequences of that little sound could be if I’d been the one to make it. “Isn’t that exciting?”
I dropped my eyes to the floor. I didn’t want to leave, yet didn’t want to stay here. I wasn’t safe wherever I went.
“To my understanding,” she went on as she came closer, a tray of food in her hands, “a female officer will be here in the next hour or two, since you requested that. But first,” she set the tray on the small table near the bed, “dinner time.”
How could she be so happy all the time? Maybe that was just her gift.
“I’ll be back in a bit. If you don’t eat…” She left the words hanging.
“I’ll eat.” The words were weak. Here, people expected me to answer them verbally. I preferred to not talk whatsoever, but that wasn’t the situation I’d somehow found myself in.
She didn’t say anything else before scurrying away. Once I no longer heard her steps in the hallway, I turned to the tray. I scrunched my nose up as I took in what was considered food. Of course, anything they gave me here was a hundred times better than what I’d had in the past few years. Still, it wasn’t appetizing either way.
Bracing myself, I slowly moved to the makeshift table and sat gently in the white folding chair. I gritted my teeth, waiting for the pain to subside before digging into the meal.
The tasteless food settled like a rock in my stomach, but I ate every bit of it. I knew it was just my body’s way of trying to adjust to eating more than a few bites here and there for weeks on end.
Once finished, I sat back on the bed, knees pulled up against my chest. Laying my head on top, I turned my attention back to the dreary weather on the other side of the glass.
In a number of hours, I’d be gone from this place. I’d be in yet another cage, even if it was a house that had all my needs already taken care of. I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to leave. Just like everywhere else. I didn’t need a rope or chain to hold me in place. I’d learned that lesson all too well.
I allowed one tear to fall before I shut my thoughts and emotions down. They didn’t matter.
I didn’t matter.
Emery
