“I do, mostly. Which is why I’m keeping my distance. But this won’t work unless you meet me halfway.”
“So, what do you want to know, then?” I sighed, keeping my gaze downward.
“Whatever you will give me,” he answered solemnly. “Even if that ends up being next to nothing. But, I want you to know that I’ll be here, waiting for you, whichever you choose. You may share my blood, but I see how much Alan messed with your head. So I don’t expect anything at all.”
“Then why all this?” I asked, quickly glancing up at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Why try this with me? If you know I’m not going to ever accept you as a man in my life, then why go to all this trouble? Why put me through more hell just to get me to sit in the same room as you?”
“Because I have to try, Scarlett,” he said sadly. “I’ve missed out on so much of your life. I have no chance to right my wrongs. I need to understand why you are so terrified of me, why you hate me. I don’t even know if it’s possible to achieve. If there is even a sliver of hope that I can be in your life in any shape, way or form, I’m going to take it.”
The waitress dropped off our drinks before leaving once again. Even she must have felt the thickness in the air between us.
“When you were little,” Caesar said after getting a sip of his ice tea, “you used to follow me everywhere when your brother wasn’t around. It wasn’t often when he was away, so when he was, you’d be my little shadow. I loved those days, actually.
“The two of you are so much alike, even after all these years. It’s scary, in a weird way. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still see you as my little girl. The entire family was a mess when Alan took you, and I wish I could have made better choices than I did when it came to tracking you down.”
“But the past is in the past,” I said, holding his gaze for a moment. “What Alan did to me…” I trailed off, not able to form the words that I so wanted to say.
“He destroyed everything about you,” Caesar said. “The light that was once in your eyes as a child was gone when I first saw you. You had no clue who I was, and it tore me apart like nothing else. Now with you sitting here, right now, I see some of that light returning. You really are so much stronger than everyone gives you credit for. Seeing you now proves that fact.”
“I’m—"
“Don’t you dare argue,” Sawyer said, cutting me off. “He’s right. You know it.”
“I have to admit,” he went on, “that I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Ace setting you up here, out of everywhere that he could have. I didn’t even want you to leave the safety of Zevon. But you, being here, have grown a lot. I’m sorry I came in and threw everything you’re used to off the rails, but life is like that. It’ll throw things your way and knock you down.”
The silence was heavy between us.
Not able to take it any longer, I leaned forward, hands placed on the table top, and met the eyes of the man who shared his blood with me.
“Here’s the deal.” My words were strong, stronger than I felt inside. “Will I ever see you as my father? No, probably not. Not after what Alan did to me. Trying to push your way into my life isn’t going to change that. You have to give me time, but I’ll try. You also need to know that I may never see Mom as a parent, either. Lisa was my mother, for the most part. She was the one who was there when I needed someone to lean on, even with her own set of secrets. Mom is like an aunt more than anything, but you…you’re just a person. Random. I have no connection to you.”
He went to interrupt me, but I put a hand up to stop him. “Let me finish. Or I won’t, and I’ll walk out of this place and you won’t get a second chance.” He gave me a nod.
“I’ll try to respect you because of who you are. Not just as a businessman, but because you are family, even if I don’t like you. If you want a part in my life, any part at all,” I said slowly, making sure he was following as the words that flew from me, “you can’t try to control me like a parent. You can’t expect me to be that little girl that looked up to and adored you. Today, I hate you, and I can’t explain why I do. I just know that the hatred is just right there under my skin. I don’t want to like you, or to give you a chance. If I could, I’d wash my hands clean of you.
“But, I can’t. It would have a domino effect on everyone else. I can’t risk losing those I’ve grown close to.”
“But you get along with Zevon just fine now. Even after he drugged you, kidnapped you and made you hate his guts. What makes me any different than him? Other than me not ever once giving you a drug?” he asked, unsure.
“He did something about my whereabouts. He saw the abuse and took the step to save me. Sure, it took me a bit to overcome the methods he used, but I know I would have fought him if he hadn’t drugged me. I forgave him, because he did something to change what was wrong. Did you do anything when you knew where I was?”
“I didn’t know! I swear, if I had known…”
“Then what would you have done? Would you have left me there like Lisa? Or would you have used all this power you supposedly have and get me out of there? With Alan, I was controlled by a crazy man’s thinking and suffered what feels like a thousand deaths. Ace knows that. Zevon knows that. Hell, even Dominic and Collin do.
“But you, you want only to get to know me, and it scares me more than anything else in this world. I can see it the way you hold back. You want me to be this person that you hoped I’d grow up to be. But I’m not; I never will be. I don’t want any part of whatever you do, because I know deep down it’s not something my heart will ever willingly agree with. Your ways to do things—"
“Understood. My business stays my business. But you won’t be safe. I have enemies.”
“You won’t any of them touch me. I know about the bodyguards. I’m getting off track,” I said with a deep breath. “I’lltryto let you get to know me, just don’t ever expect me to give you more than what I’m able to. I control what I give, and what I won’t.”
“I guess I can’t ask for more than that, can I?” he said, letting his shoulders drop. “To have you in my life, whatever way you allow me to. I’ll do it your way.”
“Oh, hey!” Brody said as I pulled open the door to the therapist’s building. “Surprised to see you here.” He winked at me, joking.
