“Yeah. It’s just how it’s worked out with Sage. He needs me to tell him it’s okay, or he won’t do anything.”
“Then Collin is right,” I said. “It sounds like you’ve done the research needed. Now, that is definitely not something I’m interested in, but if it works for what you and Sage have going, then do it. Follow your gut, Zev. If it doesn’t work, then so be it. You can at least say you tried.”
“I just don’t think I’m comfortable enough with that,” he sighed. “But, I’ll think about it.”
“You’ll figure something out. You did with me.”
That evening, Zevon hung back at the apartment while I went to group therapy with Sawyer and Miles. I was thrilled that the two guys were able to get along right off the bat. Surprisingly, before we left Zevon even got Miles to let out a laugh, so I knew my small group of friends was approved by one of the people I counted on the most.
Like all the other times, the chairs were set up in a circle. Coffee and snacks were placed on the tables, and everyone seemed to be paired up or standing around by themselves. The three of us were a tight group, and I always felt out of place coming here. I don’t think it’d ever be something I’d grow to like.
It didn’t take long for us to find our seats in the circle, Dr. Mayes right in the middle across from us. There were fewer people here, which was odd. But I guess it was the middle of summer and most normal people did things.
“Good evening, everyone,” she greeted us all. “Tonight, we are going to talk about relationships. Not sexual, unless of course that’s what you want to talk about. But more along the lines about friendships and family. These two types of relationships are what will hold you together, now and forever. They can and will make lasting effects. First, we will go around and share one happy thing about any type of relationship you have encountered in the last year.”
“My parents are still married after fifteen years,” Stacy said with a shrug.
“My cousin is getting married and her fiancé seems like a cool guy, I guess,” Ella said.
“I have Scarlett. She’sthebest friend I never knew I needed,” Sawyer said, causing me to blush.
“I found my family,” I muttered when it was my turn.
“I h-h-h-h-have a new friend,” Miles said, proud about that fact.
“My rapist is in jail. I hope he gets tormented daily for what he did,” Sabrina said, not meeting anyone’s eyes.
“My mom is back from rehab. I hope it lasts longer this time,” Steven said.
“Do any of you have any sexual relationships going on right now?” Dr. Mayes said, looking at each of us in turn. When no one opened up, she went on. “I know a few of the other group members do, and it’s too bad they wanted to skip out on tonight. Anyhow, is there anyone in any of your families that you are having a tough time with, communication wise?”
“My mom,” Steven said. He had joined in last week with our session. “We never see eye to eye. Haven’t since she first started doing drugs. And each time she comes back from rehab, she acts like I’m her shining sun for like a week before she goes back to her old habits. I can’t keep sitting back and seeing her destroy herself. I refuse to take part in her actions, and it makes it seem like I want nothing to do with her. I’d love to do nothing more than to really get along with Mom, but I can’t be around her shit.”
“Then she gets back into drugs, which in turn makes her end up in rehab again,” Dr. Mayes said. “How long was it last time?”
“Three months. I’m betting it’ll be less this time. She never changes. And Dad always puts up with it. I don’t know why.”
“Love is complicated, Steven. It can make the heart weak, yet it can make a life more worth living. Your dad seems like he loves your mother a lot, which she needs to keep on track. Maybe, instead of shoving her away again, let your mom in and let her see how much you have changed. Even sit down and talk to her about your feelings.”
“I’ve tried at her counseling session a few days ago. It probably won’t do any good.”
“All you can do is try. It’s not your fault if she won’t try for her son,” Dr. Mayes said.
“I wish my parents would have communicated better, but now that time has passed,” Sawyer said. “I think they were both so depressed, it wouldn’t have helped fix what happened. Or put a stop to what did.”
“Depression is a huge issue when it comes to any type of communication,” Dr. Mayes agreed. “It makes talking to anyone harder than it should be, which in turn leads to other issues that many of us have fought.” She paused for a minute, waiting to see if anyone else wanted to speak up. When no one did, she switched the subject. “Tell me something you plan to start doing differently in your lives to better yourselves.”
“Scarlett and I are going to start doing self-defense classes,” Sawyer said. “I can’t wait. I know I don’t need these sessions really anymore, but I don’t know what to do with my time if I’m not here. And yes, I know, having a friendship with group members isn’t the best thing to do, but I have two amazing friends from this group alone. And these friendships are going to stick with me for as long as possible. I’m holding on as tightly as possible.”
“Why do you think having friends from group is a bad thing?” Dr. Mayes asked.
“All the other group sessions I’ve been to before always said how we were here to overcome our fears and issues, not to socialize. I never agreed with that, of course, but I understand why. It’s hard to move forward if a friend is dragging you down, instead of them helping you grow.”
“If you haven’t noticed,” Dr. Mayes said, a small smile on her lips. “I don’t do what most other therapists do. I’m all for having friendships within this group. I don’t ever recommend sexual relations, but friends are more than okay. None of you,” she paused, looking around at each one of us, “can keep going without having someone there to vent to. You need someone you can do that with who won’t ever judge you, and who better than someone in one of these sessions?”
“I figured you’d be all against it,” Sawyer said in surprise.
“Not at all,” Dr. Mayes said. “Friends build each other up. And that’s all I want from each one of you. No one will be able to overcome what they have been through if they don’t make lasting friendships. Some of you probably won’t be friends with anyone in this room, because once you’re cleared to no longer to attend these meetings, you will never willingly show your face again. Then, the few of you who are here of your own free will will most likely be the ones that pop in every few weeks or months, just to touch base with your emotions.
