“We understand one another,” I shrugged.
“Zevon, how do you see Scarlett, if you don’t mind me asking?” Dr. Mayes asked, letting me get my tears under control.
“Uh…” he gulped. “Like a sister?”
“Hmmm,” Dr. Mayes answered, her eyes bouncing between the two of us.
“Shit,” Zevon huffed, rubbing a hand down his face. His next words were mumbled, but I still heard them clear as day. “At one point, I had strong feelings that were not sibling like. But a recent development in my life changed how I saw her. So she’s like a close friend instead. Do I love Scarlett?” he paused, and then met my eyes. “With everything in me. How could I not? You woke up a side of me that I didn’t know was even there.”
“So you are in a relationship now, then?” Dr. Mayes asked, drawing his eyes back to her.
“Sorta, I guess. It’s complicated.”
“Sage?” I asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Zevon answered, a little unnerved. “But I don’t love him, if that’s what you want to know. He’s just…Yeah.”
“I understand, Zevs,” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“And who is Sage? Scarlett has mentioned him once.”
“A friend I’m helping. He…well…probably one of those things Ace wouldn’t want you to know the details of. So, yeah. Sage is a friend.”
“But he’s the one that changed your feelings towards Scarlett?”
“Yeah, I guess. But what has this got to do with me, anyways?”
“Just trying to prove to Scarlett that people can change for the better.”
“Oh,” Zevon said. “Well, yeah. All of us have changed since she entered our lives.”
That wasn’t going to help me see my father, blood related or not, differently than I did right then. I wasn’t sure much of anything would.
We didn’t end up going to see a movie. My panic attack took me out emotionally. It didn’t help that I was still tired and not up to being around many people. Instead, we laid on the couch, me using Zevon as a pillow, and watched a few old movies that were on the STARS channel. I dozed off and on, not fully able to fall asleep.
After the third movie, I pushed myself up off Zevon. He let me go with a worried look but didn’t say anything.
“I can’t keep doing this, Zevon.” I could feel his heart freeze at my words.
“Doing what?”
“Hiding away like this. I can’t just keep ghosting through, because that’s what I feel like I’ve been doing. I’m tired of just going to therapy a few times a week. That alone only does so much, you know. I need to do something.”
“What are you thinking?” he asked, his eyes bouncing back and forth between mine.
“A friend’s uncle said he’d teach me some self-defense.”
“Okay,” he said, unsure.
“I need to know how to protect myself. You guys aren’t always going to be there to save me, and I need to be able to know that I can do it myself.”
“Understandable.”
“So, my friend’s uncle said he’d teach me and Sawyer,” I said quickly, getting the words out before I could rethink them.
“All right,” he said. “I’m assuming you haven’t ran this by Ace yet. Or your brother.”
“No. I didn’t think I needed to.” I was a grown woman. I could make my own choices, couldn’t I?
