“The nightmares you’ve been having,” she went on after a few moments when I didn’t reply. “Write them down in a journal. It’ll help you sort your feelings out, along with your thoughts. Writing is one of the best therapeutic ways to calm one’s mind.”
“Kay,” I said, twisting my hands in my lap.
“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” she asked, changing subjects.
“No clue. Zevon isn’t a fan of being stuck inside all day, so we’ll most likely end up going to see a movie or something.”
“Getting out helps a lot. He seems like he knows how to help combat your depression.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Tell me, what does he do for a living?”
“Uh…” How could I tell Dr. Mayes that my friend was a drug handler and dealer? That wouldn’t likely go over very well. “Sells goods, I guess. He works for Caesar and Ace. And no, I don’t know how he started off working for them, but it’s one thing I should not find out. Being in the dark about certain things is just better off.”
“I wasn’t going to ask,” she said. “But you two seem close. Are you that close to everyone in the family?”
“For the most part, sure.”
“You know, this works better if you’re a bit more forthcoming, Scarlett. Who are you the closest to?”
“Other than Zevon, it’d be Collin and my brother. With Mom, I have no idea what to say unless she carries the conversation. Ace is scared to push me, so he always keeps the talks short and to safe subjects.”
“What about Caesar? You haven’t mentioned him.”
“What’s to tell?” My heart began to pound in my chest. I wiped the palms of my hands against my pants.
“Has he treated you the same as he does your brother?”
“No,” I said with a shake of my head. “He barely talks to me. The times he has, it’s felt forced.”
“Do you view him as your father?”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat as my breath froze in my chest. It hurt, deep down, to even think about him. It was easier to think of Alan and what he did to me.
“No.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“He…he…he…” Crap. I couldn’t get the words out. Why did she have to bring this up?
“Deep breaths,” Dr. Mayes coaxed. “In. Out. In. Out.”
I followed the breathing technique, and it did very little to help calm my racing heart. My vision became blurry with each passing second.
“Listen, what do you hear?”
My quick beating heart in my chest. It pounded through my skull like a drum.
“Look around the room. Find things to focus on.”
My eyes darted around, my breathing coming out in gasps. I couldn’t focus on anything, only blurs of items that were dotted around.
“Z-Z-Zevon,” I was able to grit out, knowing nothing else would be able to pull me out. I could feel the panic taking hold of me without my say so.
I had been doing so fucking well, too.
Lost in my haze, I jumped when I felt a touch to my shoulder.
