Back at the apartment, Hope came running out from underneath the couch as I shut the door behind me. Wyatt had made sure that I made it safely back inside before he left. He said he needed to go deal with something, and I didn’t have the energy to fake or pretend I wanted to know. I assumed that the threat had been taken care of at this point in time. It had been a week now since then.
“Hey kitty,” I yawned, bending down to pick her up. Instantly, she rubbed her nose against my check.
“Do I get a greeting like that?” Sawyer asked. I jumped, turning to find her in my kitchen, sitting at the table like she lived here. And I guess she did lately more than at her own place just next door. I didn’t mind.
“Uh…that would be a bit weird, even for you,” I said, letting Hope jump from my arms and dart away.
“True.” She smiled with a half shrug. Then, the next second her smile fell as she took me in from head to head. “You look defeated. Haven’t you slept? No, don’t answer that. I know you haven’t.”
It was my turn to shrug. There wasn’t anything I could say that would make any of this better.
“Go lie down. I’ll bring you some warm tea to help you relax.”
“I can’t sleep, Sawyer.” God, I wished I could, though. Every time I closed my eyes, memories kept barging in. The past just wouldn’t leave me alone.
“Let me make you some tea so you can at least rest. And don’t say a word about it. I already called in to work, so I’m free to keep you company, sleep or no sleep. Got it.”
“I won’t be able to change your mind, will I?”
“Nope,” she said, popping the p. “Now go change and get comfy.”
“Kay,” I sighed, not wanting to fight against it. I was tired, so much so that my feet dragged across the floor.
It had been a long while since I felt this tired. If only I could sleep for a few hours without being bothered by nightmares.
After changing into lounge pants and an oversized shirt I may have stolen from Zevon before leaving the cabin, I curled up on the end of the sofa, my legs folded underneath me.
Just as I got comfortable, my phone vibrated in my hand. I had taken to making sure it was always on that mode, not wanting to draw attention to the unknown texter. This time was no different.
Only thing that wasn’t the same was my reaction. I was too worn out to react to the words. Later, I was sure when I looked back at them, I’d fear for my life like I should be.
I have more men than you do. Always be watching your back, Scar.
“Here ya go,” Sawyer said, handing me a steaming cup of tea as I closed the text message. “Chamomile and honey. Should maybe help. I hope. Tea at least helps calm my thoughts. And even though I don’t think your thoughts are exactly jumping out at you, they are bugging you. So yeah. Drink up.”
“If I fall asleep, please don’t leave,” I said, looking up to meet her eyes. I was sure my misery shone through. “I’m…I’m scared.” Scared I would do something that I promised I’d never do again. With each night that I couldn’t sleep, the urge to hurt myself grew stronger and stronger. So far, I was able to keep busy enough to not do something, but it was only a matter of time before I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I won’t leave,” she promised quietly, sitting down next to me. “I’ll stay until you tell me otherwise.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” she smiled, setting her hand on my knee. “I won’t let you do anything stupid that you’ll regret later.”
Ilooked out my bedroom window. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I wished with everything in me that I could be one of the lucky kids asking for candy. Alan didn’t allow it. Just because he had the porch light on to hand out his own splurge of candy, didn’t mean I got to partake it any of it. It wasn’t like any of the neighborhood kids would even think about coming way out here, anyways.
Even if I wanted to, there was no way I’d be able to walk out of this house looking like I did. Thanks to my father, parts of my face were bruised, along with my arms and legs. And other parts of my body I didn’t want to think about.
A few days ago, my father mistook me as a punching bag, or at least that’s what it looked and felt like. My entire body was sore, and I was beginning to wish he’d just end it all. End the pain that wracked my entire body. End the hits and the words.
I couldn’t remember a time when I was truly happy. Sure, Lisa made life a bit brighter when she popped in, but I wasn’t happy. Happiness didn’t exist for me. It was how my life was. There was nothing I could do to change it.
Right now, I was filled with other emotions that I didn’t know the name of, I felt trapped. Being eleven years old, I knew that my life here at home wasn’t like anyone else’s. I knew what my father did to me wasn’t right. All the things he did to me were wrong. If I ever tried to speak up about it, I’d wish I were dead. Sometimes I already did.
Turning away from the window and wiping my tears off my cheeks, I came to meet the stare of the man who caused me so much pain. I stood there, my heart in my throat as he glared at me.
When, for once in my entire life, he turned and walked away, I let my breath leave my lungs. Moments like this were next to non-existent. I swear, my father’s purpose for my entire life was to be a thorn in my side. He made my life worse and worse each day.
I couldn’t remember the last time I was happy—like, truly happy. Thinking about it, I don’t think I’ve ever been happy while I’ve been in this house. Sure, Lisa tried, but there was only so much she could do. I knew my father had didn’t allow her to make life enjoyable, so she never went out of her way to do anything fun. The one time she did, I wore the marks for weeks around my wrists and necks.
