My grandfather—it felt so strange to call Ace that—had made sure I was in a prime spot to get any counseling services I agreed to, along with easy access to stores. He hired someone to do most of my grocery shopping for me, since the first and only time with Dominic wasn’t the best experience. I knew in time I’d get the hang of it all, but I was sheltered from a lot of stuff I never even knew about for so long.
I never realized how much damage Alan had done to me until my family opened my eyes. His abuse went so much deeper than I ever thought possible.
I remember learning somewhere that having a support team to heal was crucial, and I certainly had that. I worried I’d never be able to repay them all, but I would. Someday, I would do whatever I could to repay the world for giving me what I needed to get through this dark time.
Looking over the questions on the few pieces of paper, I filled out what I could. Most of them I had no answers for. I had no clue about any of my family background, although if they really wanted that information, they could just call Ace and get it. It was something I should take a stab at and learn.
A few minutes after I filled out the little I was able to, my name was called from a doorway not that far away. The voice belonged to an older gal who had her nearly white hair twisted into a messy bun atop her head. I stood on shaky legs and walked towards her.
“Please, come in,” she said with a smile and held the door open for me. I dropped my eyes to the floor, not knowing where to look or what to do. My hands fiddled in front of me, the clipboard still clutched between them.
“Have a seat wherever, or you may stand. This is a safe place, and whatever you choose to do will be fine with me.” Her voice was soft as she closed the door and took a seat on top of a dark desk.
I glanced around the room. Besides the dark red wooden desk, a couch and a matching chair, there were a couple of small end tables and pictures on the walls of mountains and sunsets. Along the back wall were floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto a grassy flower field.
“I’m Dr. Mayes,” she said once I took a stiff seat on the couch. “Every time you come into this room, whatever you say will never be repeated by me to anyone. Later, much later, I’d like to meet the people that are important to you, but only if you are up to that.
“I’m here to help you sort through your thoughts, to give you feedback and methods to cope with what you have been through. I like to work on short-term and long-term goals that match what you need. I will push, I will make you upset, and if I do my job well, you will walk out of this room when we are done feeling like you can take on the world.
“This will take time.” She paused, waiting for me to lift my eyes to meet hers. “I can be your friend; know that although I will test your buttons, I’ll never push you more than you can handle.”
“Okay,” I said, the word shaky.
“Good,” she said, pushing herself off her desk and walking to the empty chair. “We’ll start today off light. This is the time for you to get to know me first. I find that makes it easier to talk next time.”
That was not what I was expecting. I figured she’d just dive right in, not the other way around. I was at a loss for words. How the heck could I just ask her things? I wasn’t good at this conversation stuff.
“You know, this works better if you ask me something,” she smiled, tilting her head to the side.
“I’m not good at this,” I said, looking down at my lap.
“Let me see that.” She held her hand out. I let her take the clipboard as my eyes stared at the gray carpet. “This is mostly just information for the files,” she said, looking it all over. “I see you know nothing about your history. I’m not surprised. Ace mentioned a few things, but I’ll leave it all blank for now. None of that even matters in this room.”
She was quiet for a minute as she looked it over. I didn’t put much down, mostly due to the fact that I didn’t knowhow. How could I write down my reason for being here? What could I say, and what couldn’t I say?
“I must confess,” Dr. Mayes said, setting the clipboard on the side table, “even with Ace telling me a little bit about why you are here, it wasn’t in depth.”
“I figured as much,” I said, not upset about it at all.
“So, tell me what you expect from seeking my help. Do you just want someone to vent to? Find ways to cope?”
“I want a reason to stay alive. To be strong. Ineedto figure out who I am as a person.”
“Okay, that I can help with.” She paused, seeming to debate on what to say. “Can you tell me what he is to you? What is your relationship with Ace Vicci?”
“He’s my grandfather,” I said, playing with a loose string on the end of my shirt. “I…he found me a few months ago.”
“So, still a newer relationship? That’s fine. He cares deeply about you.”
“How much do you know about me?” I asked, lifting my eyes to meet hers.
“What I know, or what I can see?”
“Both, I guess?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know either one.
“I’ll start off with what your grandfather told me,” she said. Her tone was gentle but strong. “He told me your past isn’t one of happy times. You were abused in many ways, which I can see. It’s in the way you hold yourself. I’ve worked with many abuse victims, and you are one of the lucky ones that got away. He also told me that you’re strong, since it was your choice to seek out help. He shared his concerns about what will happen if you don’t find what you are looking for, but I don’t think he has anything to worry about.
“Now, what Isee…You are strong, brave, and smart. Coming here today took a lot of courage. Not many others are able to sit in this room in front of me, let alone walk into this building.
