“I wasn’t planning on saying anything, it just came out,” I shrugged. “I’m confused.”
“About what?”
“Everything. I read what Lisa had written to me. She knew who I was all along.”
“Makes sense that she may have,” Collin said.
I looked away from him, willing my tears to not fall. I hadn’t shed any for a few hours and didn’t want to start all over again.
“She was going to return me on my eighteenth birthday. She had it all planned out, too. I kind of hate her right now for making me stay with Alan.
“I couldn’t sleep last night because my mind kept thinking of how different my life would be today if Lisa wouldn’t have just kept me. She’d still have been able to be in my life instead of dead. She was like my mother in a way,” I confessed. “She loved me and did what she thought she could to keep me safe. But Alan still hurt me, and she hurt me just as much by telling me the truth.”
I paused, taking in a deep breath and lifted my watery eyes back up to Collin. “I wish she hadn’t told me anything. I don’t know what to feel about her now. How do I know if it’s even the truth?”
“I don’t know what she wrote to you, but I’m sure she’d never lie to you, Scarlett.”
“But she did. She lied about knowing who my parents are. She let me believe that Alan was my father for so many years.”
“She didn’t lie, she held the secret.”
“Same thing,” I huffed. “So how can I know what else she didn’t tell me?”
“I don’t think you’ll ever know. You just may have to accept that fact. I didn’t know Lisa that well. I only met her once or twice in passing. But from what you say, she may have been keeping a lot of secrets that will never be revealed.”
“I know,” I sighed, letting my shoulders slump forward. “I hate her for not telling me, for not helping me get back to where I should have been all along. But on the other hand, I want her back. I want to hug her, and I want to tell her that I understand. She had her own plan, and no one will ever know about it.”
“No one will ever know now,” he agreed. “All that does matter is that you know you can have a life, one filled with happiness and love, if you choose to.”
“But how can I? I want to hurt myself. I don’t know how to handle my new life. I…I just don’t know what to do about anything anymore.” My words were a plea. A plea for something I was starting to need. I lifted my eyes to his once more as tears fell freely down my cheeks.
“Let me ask you this: do you want to live?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know,” my chin wobbled as I answered.
“Okay,” he nodded. “That’s a start. That means that you must have something you want to live for.”
“I don’t know,” I said, dropping my eyes to the table.
“That’s fine,” Collin said, drawing my attention back to him. “Baby steps. Right now, just take one day at a time. That’s all you can really do.”
“I guess so.”
“Thank you, Scarlett, for talking to me. I’ll always listen, no matter how busy I am. I’ll stop doing whatever I’m doing to listen. Anyone here will.”
“Okay.”
With each passing day, they were all proving that more and more.
Raised voices woke me up from my nap later in the day. The sun was still out, so I knew I hadn’t been asleep for too long. I groaned, holding the pillow over my head. It felt like I had just fallen asleep before the yelling started.
I guess I should be thankful that the men had gotten along this long, but why today out of all days did they have to start?
The voices reached me again, and I officially gave up on sleep for now. Again.
After using the bathroom and pulling a brush through my crazy tangled hair, I made my way toward the voices. I found Collin sitting at the kitchen table, not paying any attention to the two of them. He shook his head, silently telling me to stay out of whatever they were fighting about this time.
“You must be out of your mind!” Dominic seethed, hands folded across his chest. His burning gaze was pinned on Zevon, who leaned against wall, relaxed.
