Closing my eyes, I took a bigger bite. I willed it to stay down, to settle. I flung the toast back onto the plate as bile and the two bites of toast made a re-appearance. I leaned over the side of bed, just barely hitting the trashcan.
“Shit,” Zevon hissed.
When I was done dry heaving, I was a panting mess. My arms were weak and I collapsed onto the bed sideways. I jerked, my eyes flinging open as a warm wet washcloth was swiped over my face.
“I really don’t know what to do here,” Zevon said. I was too tired to keep my eyes open, so I let them slide shut. “I’m used to bodily fluids, but there’s something about you that makes me rethink things.”
He stood then, taking care of the used cloth and then the food. “I’ll have Collin come up when he’s done with whatever he’s doing.” I let sleep take me as he made his way out of the room.
“Hey, Scarlett,” Collin said, patting me on my foot. At his touch and voice, I jerked awake. My heart pounded in my chest. When I saw it was just him, I laid back down where I was. “Zevon says he’s worried about you.”
I blinked up at him.
“I’m going to have to give you a bag of food, but I figured you’d freak on me when I hook it up. And I’d hate for that to happen,” he went on, walking around the bed and unwinding a thin tube. “Your body is weak. Based on your symptoms, I’m assuming it’s been over nine weeks since you last had a good decent meal. It’s been a little over two weeks since I’ve come to be in charge of your care. The first few days, I had to have you still and not panicking while I tended to your cuts and…other internal injuries.”
Oh god. How much damage had been done to me? He hooked the tube to the one connected to my cheek. His hands were cold where they brushed over my skin.
“Only a handful of us here have a good idea of what exactly you’ve been through for the past twelve years. I only know because I’ve had to do a full body exam. Mr. Vicci wanted a full report on every aspect of your health. I have never seen someone in such a state as you and live to tell the tale. And I’ve seen a lot over the years.”
He paused, making sure that the tube was in place correctly before hooking up a bag of what looked like brown liquid. “Sorry, this may be a bit uncomfortable. You handled it fine the first few times but, this time, you’re awake.”
I didn’t move as he started a machine that had a slight hum to it. Moments later, I could feel the slightly warm liquid seep into the tube and down into my stomach.
“I was really hoping we didn’t need to do this again,” Collin said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “But, we’ll keep trying little things here and there until your body gets used to food again. Nothing I can’t handle. I have faith that, in no time at all, you’ll be back to your old self.”
I doubted that. I could never be who I was before everything. Nothing made sense. Before long, the liquid was pumped into my stomach. I could feel my body fighting about what to do with it. Part of my stomach wanted to eject it all, while part of it wanted to soak it into my body. I took a deep breath, not sure what I wanted it to do either.
“Almost done, princess,” he said. “You’re doing fine. A few more times and your body will adjust to it.” I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around my stomach as the machine stopped humming. Collin unhooked the tube and cleaned everything out. I heard him move about, taking his time.
“Rest, honey,” he said, brushing a stray tear off my cheek. “I’ll be right there,” he looked over at the chair, “for a little bit to make sure your body accepts what I gave it.”
Not able to fight the sleepiness, I let my eyes fall closed once more.
It was late when I opened my eyes. The hallway light was on low, shining through the slightly parted door. A muffled TV from down the hall was the only noise I could hear within the house.
Turning over, I noticed that the curtains were shut and no one was in the room with me. It seemed like someone was always in here, so this new development was nice. Oddly nice.
It had been years since I’d actually had the privilege of being truly alone. Dad had taken my door after I’d tried to lock him out of my room when I was fourteen years old, and he never gave it back. Since then, he’d watch me shower and dress whenever he felt the desire.
Moving slowly so I wouldn’t alert anyone who may be on watch, I made my way out of bed. My legs were weak, but I was able to make it to the bathroom on my own.
After relieving myself and washing my hands, I finally looked up at the mirror. I had dark rings under my dull eyes. My cheekbones stood out more than ever, and the stupid tube taped to one side of my face made me quickly look away.
I didn’t really want to go back to bed; I’d spent more than enough time in that thing. I went to the window after throwing a blanket around my shoulders to fend off the chill of the AC and opened the heavy blackout curtains.
The back yard was huge, complete with a wooden swing set, playhouse, and a table with an umbrella. Solar lights lit a pathway around the yard.
The full moon and stars were high in the sky. It was a perfectly clear night, not a cloud in sight. So many times during the night, I’d not be able to sleep so I’d stand at the window and dream. Now, I had no dreams. Had no hopes. They were all put out like a fire. Even the smoke was lost in the air.
I used to dream of being free––of having a loving home with two parents who adored me and spoiled me rotten. I’d dream of anything better than the life I was thrust into. It helped me escape reality, if only for a little bit.
The first time my father raped me, taking my virginity right along with it, was when I was thirteen. Three months shy of fourteen. I could still remember the unbearable pain as he shoved himself into my tiny body, knocking the breath out of me. I remember the pleasure he found in my distress. He got off on causing me pain.
When I threatened to tell Aunt Lisa, he threatened to kill her, making me watch while he did so. He used my love against me, so I kept my mouth shut. Weeks and months went by, and then years. I didn’t say a thing about it. Not until I was sixteen. I could no longer keep the deep, dark secret, and I spilled my guts to Aunt Lisa. I made her promise to not say a word about it.
A week later, she got me onto birth control and started to show up at the house more often, claiming I needed help with studying. But I knew the real reason. She was protecting me.
She was there every day for nearly a year, saving me from so much pain and sorrow. Then, one day she wasn’t.
