Joshua would be able to grow up having anything he desired. He’d have the same choices as I did as a child, and there was no guarantee that he’d pick the same paths that I did. I wouldn’t keep him hidden from the world. I wouldn’t keep secrets. I’d let him know what I did and let him choose when he was of age.
I just hoped that Avidya would be okay with that.
I knew we all would be okay. I’d do everything in my power to make sure that we were.
Why? Because I was Zachariah Melendez.
I was pleasantly surprised that Avidya let me kiss her, though. I had missed it so much, I never wanted to stop. Her lips called to me as much as the rest of her.
She was soft and warm, and I wanted to do so much more than just kissing her. I knew we couldn’t rush things, not yet. But fuck, I wanted her more than anything.
It really was amazing how she made everything better. She didn’t hold anything against me from the past. Avidya was open to put the past behind us and move on.
Looking back at Josh as he stared up at me from my arms, my heart swelled in love for this little one. Green eyes blinked at me, like he knew just who I was. His little hand was wrapped around my pinky as I held the bottle so he could eat. He even made these adorable little sounds as he drank his milk.
How could I not ever want a child after holding this one in my arms?
I wished more than anything that I could have been here for his mother, for him, while he was in the hospital. I wished that someone would have told me about all this—all that I was missing out on.
What did Avidya look like while pregnant? What were her cravings? Was she emotional? Did she cry herself to sleep, wanting me here just as much as I wanted to be here?
Would she want another child later on?
God, I wasn’t sure I’d be up for that. But if it happened, I would let it. I would never go against Avidya’s beliefs again. I was an idiot to do so the first time.
“He’s up already?” Avidya yawned, pushing herself up so she sat.
“He thinks so,” I said. “Not that anyone would agree with midnight playtime.”
“This is his new time to be wide away,” she laughed, her eyes brighter than they had when I showed up on her doorstep.
“How did you do all this on your own?” I asked. Given, it was only a week, but still it had to be hard.
“Luckily, I don’t have to go to work, so I slept during the day a bit,” she shrugged. “They say it gets easier, but yeah, I don’t think so.”
“No, it only gets harder,” I agreed. “I’m sure once we get back, everyone will offer to watch him every night.”
“Oh, that I don’t doubt,” she said, leaning her head against my shoulder. She put one hand on Joshua’s toes as they tended to stick out. He hated having his toes covered, I found out. “I’m sure they’d all be happy to keep him all the time.”
“Most likely,” I muttered. Louder, “They all want pictures.”
“I haven’t taken any,” she shrugged. “Krissy has.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“I don’t have a phone that will do them,” she said like I should have known. “And I haven’t gotten around to getting a camera or a phone to do so. But when I do, Krissy will send all of them to me.”
“How have you lived without all that?” I asked. No phone, no internet, and hardly anything she owned was here.
“I don’t need any of it,” she answered. “I’ve lived without it before, so now was no different.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything at all.
“Where did you work?”
“I worked in a home daycare part time. It kept me busy enough to keep my mind from going in circles,” she answered. “I won’t be returning, but I think they all expected that once you showed up.”
“You can if you want,” I said.
