Chapter 30
Avidya
After ordering pizza, Josh was in his bassinet, Zachariah and I sat on the couch, just enjoying each other’s company. The TV on some channel that neither one of us paid attention to.
It felt comfortable to sit here by his side with his arm wrapped around me. My head leaned against his shoulder as all the stresses of the world left me.
I never wanted to move. I never wanted to change things again. I had given up so much for my own personal gain, and it seemed that he understood. He didn’t hold it against me. He didn’t use it as leverage.
He was just the same Zachariah that I had fallen in love with. The same man that I never knew what to expect when it came to new things.
Maybe he really could be the father I had hoped for him to turn out to be. I knew it wouldn’t be a sudden thing, but he would be a dad. He’d be okay.
We’dbe okay.
“Do we have a chance?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the TV, fearing his reaction.
“A chance at what?” he asked, confused.
“Of being together. Of being happy?” I clarified.
“I think so,” he answered after a moment of thought. “If we tried to compromise, we can try to be happy together.”
“You comprise?” I laughed. “I don’t see that happening.
“It is possible,” he grumbled. “If you give me a chance to show that I can.”
I had to give him a chance; I knew I had to. It wouldn’t be easy, but my heart and soul was his. It always would be. I had to give him a chance to prove to me that we could be happy as a family.
“Alright,” I sighed.
“Really?” he asked, surprised I was willing to work with him.
“Yes,” I smiled. “I miss everything we had. I miss the family. I miss feeling like I belonged.”
“Everyone has missed you,” he said. “Even Toby. He’s not very happy with me.”
“I don’t think he ever was,” I mused. “That poor boy. He probably was as hurt as you were when I left.”
“If he was old enough to drink himself to death, yes,” Zachariah agreed. “He thinks I made you leave. And he won’t talk to anyone as far as I know.”
“I should have left him a letter, too,” I mused. “He has to hate me like everyone else.”
“No one hates you,” he said, his voice firm. “They all knew why you left, or at least had an idea. Toby’s just a kid and will understand once he sees you are perfectly fine. Give Violet a call later this week and talk to him. I’m sure everyone would love to hear from you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you again,” I said as sadness hit me once more.
“I can understand, I think,” he stated. “It’s in the past. Let’s just move on from here, okay?”
“Sounds good,” I smiled, leaning into him more than I already was. Moving on sounded like the best plan of action. Putting the past back into the past was the best way to move on. We both forgave the other, so we had to keep on moving forward.
~oOo~
A few days went by, and between everything, Zachariah and I were able to get in a pretty decent routine. I was still tired, but not nearly as bad as I had been since I was able to get a little bit more sleep. Since the first time that Zachariah held Joshua, he was actually helping me with a feeding once a night.
That alone was showing me that he really was in it all the way. He wasn’t going to run off, leaving me or our son to fend for ourselves. Although, if that did happen, I would be able to deal. I wouldn’t have a choice.
Krissy made sure to stop by a few times a day. I think it was more of the fact she wanted to make sure he wasn’t hurting us. I knew that Zach would never do that, but I didn’t mind.
