Chapter 20
Avidya
Two days later, I was released from the hospital and in my own clothes. I didn’t want to be released, exactly. I couldn’t walk in that door and know that Taylor wouldn’t be coming home after me. The house would be empty, cold of the man I had grown close to over the past six months.
It was a love hate relationship.
I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I wanted to take my baby home with me, too. But I couldn’t.
Joshua was doing very well, despite everything. He was still in the NICU with oxygen and a feeding tube. I had high hopes that he’d be able to get off of all the machines in as little as a few weeks. He certainly put up a fight against every little thing already.
The only thing that I was looking forward to was that I wouldn’t be interrupted every hour by a nurse. And I would be getting to hold Joshua today for the very first time. I couldn’t wait for that, even with all the cords hooked up to my little baby.
Right after being released, and making sure I had everything I needed, I made my way to the NICU, that was luckily a part of the maternity ward. I was still sore and not able to walk as fast as I normally would have been able to, but I still walked from my room to the nursery at least three or four times a day.
What else did I have to do?
No one ever told me how tough the after-birth process was. It was almost nearly as bad as giving birth over and over. Okay, maybe not that bad, but the cramps were not fun, that was for sure. I couldn’t take a bath to help ease the pains, and Advil only dulled it. Not nearly enough to help, though.
I was certain I was not going to have any more children for many years. Experiencing all this, alone, was more than enough for me for a lifetime.
“Hello, Miss,” greeted one of the nurses.
I gave her a small smile as I sat down my overnight bag by the wall.
“Which one is yours?” she asked.
“She’s Joshua’s mom,” stated the nurse I had first met here. She had been a lifesaver. Since I had first sat next to my son, she had told me she had been in my shoes, and that helped more than any other nurse here could ever say to me.
“Oh,” replied the first nurse. “He is so cute. He’s doing very well today.”
“You ready to hold him?” Nurse Hope asked.
“Yes,” I answered with a bigger smile.
“Perfect. Go have a seat in the chair while I get him ready for you,” she said.
I took a seat in the chair I normally sat in when I came to see my son. It was just like the rocking chair that went unused in my hospital room. The cushioned cover was green and blue, matching the colors of this part of the hospital.
Once I was sitting, the nurse was there, opening the compartment that my son was in, being careful of all the cords and wires he was hooked up to.
“You ready?” she asked.
“So much so,” I breathed out.
I couldn’t wait to hold the little one in my arms. I was ready. For a new start in life with my little baby. It was really all I had now.
Within minutes, Joshua was in my arms laying his head on my chest. He was so little against me. So small and warm. His little lungs took in air as he breathed in the scent of me.
My heart swelled being able to hold him finally. I would never put him down.
“I’ll be back in a little while,” the nurse smiled before making her way back to check on other little babies.
I so hoped that everything would go smoothly and I could take him home sooner rather than later. I was literally holding my reason for everything in my arms, and I silently promised him that I would do everything in my power to make sure he had a happy, safe, life.
~oOo~
“You ready?” Travis asked as he shut the car off in front of the house.
