Chapter 13
Avidya
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Time passed, and I kept on going through each passing minute as well as I could. I didn’t worry about the possibilities. I didn’t worry about what could happen later on in my life. I only worried about the here and now. There was no point in worrying about things I no longer had control over.
It was after the new year and I hoped that with it came good things. I prayed that things would work out on their own. I was done with worrying over everything, at least as much as I could.
I had been filled with nerves when I called Zach on Christmas, I wasn’t even sure he’d answer. I called late at night for a reason. I halfway hoped that he wasn’t going to answer, so I could just leave a message. But when he answered, I had wanted to say so many things. I wanted to tell him my secret. I wanted him to come find me.
I had told him to come find me. I basically dared him to. I was surprised he hadn’t yet. I think, since it had been almost five months since I left him, it gave him enough time to cool down. When I talked to him, I could hear in his voice that he hated life. He hated me leaving. And he hated himself.
So I told him to grow up, but maybe not in a nice way. He needed to grow up. He needed to take charge and come get me, damn it. Because I knew if he did, I wouldn’t fight him. I would go with him willingly. I wanted to see him so badly, I would have done so without second thought.
I had enough people on my side to make sure that the baby would be mine, no matter what. Maybe if I had given them all time before now, they would be on my side no matter what. With my time away, I found that having time on my own was needed. Needed for me to figure out my life. It helped me more than I ever thought it would.
As the days passed, I kept busy with working at the daycare and keeping an eye on Catrina when Krissy had to work late a few nights a month. I didn’t mind at all. I enjoyed it.
Taylor and I got along well, and I had told him that I wished he’d have gotten me as a kid instead of where I ended up. He had looked dumbfounded, then grunted something about not being sure what I was talking about.
He didn’t take compliments very well. Neither did I most days.
We were more alike than either one of us had ever thought.
Today, since I wasn’t needed at the daycare, I sat in the bedroom. I was thinking about how to fit a small crib in here, because there were only a few months left before the baby would be arriving. Later today, I’d be finding out the gender, and I was excited. I couldn’t wait to know what I was having.
It seemed like it wasn’t all that long ago when I felt its first kicks from inside of me. I cherished each moment I got with this little one. Taylor was a bit freaked out at the fact that I had forcibly laid his hand on my growing stomach to feel that first night I felt the kicks. His look was filled with disgust before turning to awe, which he had quickly tried to hide.
I didn’t plan to buy much, since I wasn’t sure when Zach would show up. But I wanted to buy a few things here and there. Every time I went to the store, I always had to stop and look at all the cute little baby items. It was so tempting to buy things already. Well, I had bought a few soft gender-neutral blankets that were soft and fuzzy.
So far, I refused to think of what I was going to name the baby. I wanted Zach to help, even if he didn’t want to. Only time would tell. And I had more than enough time to wait and waste away.
“Hey, Vids,” Taylor said, popping his head around the corner.
“Uh, hey. Shouldn’t you be at work?” I asked, turning to face him.
“A short day,” he shrugged. I wasn’t sure I believed him, as he worked at some construction site as a security guard.
“Shorter than normal,” I stated.
“Well,” he trailed off, not sure what to say. “I may have asked to get off early. I wanted to get you something.”
“You didn’t need to do that,” I said. What could he have possibly gotten me?
“I wanted to,” he said. “It’s in the living room.”
Giving him a questioning look, I got up from the bed and made my way to the living room. There, I found a boxed bassinet with a number of bags on the top.
“What? When?” I asked, not able to tear my eyes away from it.
“Today,” he said sheepishly. “I know you need it, and I wasn’t sure if you’d ever go get it yourself. So yeah. I just got it. I hope that’s okay.” He ran a hand across his hair, trying to hide his nerves.
“Thank you,” I said, flinging my arms around him in a hug. I didn’t know how else to thank him, even though he wasn’t that much of a touchy-feely person.
He returned the hug awkwardly.
“I’ll help put it together and all that,” he said once I released him. “It should fit in the room without a problem. There’s blankets and other stuff you’ll need, too.”
“Thank you. You really didn’t need to, you know,” I said as I started to look through the bags.
