It was just after eleven that night when everyone finally left. The house was once against dark, cold, and empty. Toby had been hiding in the spare bedroom, refusing to come out until Avidya came home. Poor kid. I wish I could have hidden until she came back home, too. But I was a grown man and that just wasn’t acceptable to act like a child.
I was tired and ready for bed, but I knew sleep would not be coming to me willingly once more. I was lucky if I got a couple hours of sleep each night. Most nights, I laid awake thinking. I had taken to sleeping on the couch or in the office. I hadn’t looked twice at the bed. I physically couldn’t.
I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to me. I used to be tough and everyone would easily cower in fear from me. Now, I was a snobby, depressed man. How could one simple girl change me so much?
It didn’t make sense. I had to find that tough man again. I had to be strong. No more moping. At least not around people. I could hide my true feelings from the family. I’d done it before.
The ringing of the house phone rang through the house. I debated answering it, since no one ever called that phone. As it rang the fourth time, I took a deep breath and answered.
“Hello?” my voice was rough, filled with lack of sleep and patience.
I could hear breathing, but no one spoke for what felt like years.
“If you aren’t going to talk, I’ll just hang up,” I muttered down the line.
“Please, don’t,” Avidya’s voice came through. Her voice was quiet, soft, and just as I remembered.
“Alright,” I sighed, running a hand down my face. I had no idea what to say to her. There was so much, yet nothing I could say. After a few seconds of nothing coming from either of us, I finally took a breath and said something. “I miss you. So fucking much.”
“I miss you, too,” she spoke. She sounded tired, just as tired as me if it was possible. “How…How are you?”
“Fucked up,” I said. I wasn’t going to pretend for her. Anyone but her. “I want you back, Avidya. Please.”
I would fucking beg for this woman to come back to me. Right this minute.
“I…I’m sorry,” she said with a tear-filled voice.
My shoulders slumped. “Why?”
“You’ll hate me. I can’t face you right now. You…I’m sorry,” she spoke.
“I can’t hate you. Never,” I said. “I love you more than life itself.”
“But you will when know my reasons,” she sighed.
“Tell me, then. Tell me them so I can figure out how to make this all right,” I asked, nearly begging already.
“You can’t,” she said sadly. “This is all on me. There is nothing you can do, Zach.”
“I miss you. Please, would you just come back? I’ll make it all better. I’m so sorry for whatever I did,” I said. I had to fix whatever I did to make her leave me. I wish I knew what I did so I could fix is now.
“You didn’t do anything, Zach,” she said. “I’ll come back when I know it’s safe. I can’t…I’m…” she trailed off. I could hear her softly crying on the other end.
“Please,” I whispered. I wanted to reach through the phone and pull her back home. Pull her into my arms to hold her tightly and never ever let her go again. “When will you come back? Toby misses you, too.”
Maybe if she knew Toby was just as upset as the rest of them, she’d return. Maybe she’d come back for one of us.
“You have no idea how much I miss him. I miss you so much,” she said, clearing her throat. “But I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?” I shouted. I heard her intake of breath, but it didn’t stop me. “Why can’t you fucking come back and deal with this like an adult?”
“When you can act like one, I will,” she spoke, her voice soft and smooth. “I’ll come back when I know you won’t act stupid about the choices I’ve made. I bet you haven’t even figured out why I ran, have you?”
“No,” I grunted out. “No one will tell me a fucking thing.”
I was happy to hear her voice, but I wanted to hold her. I wanted to see her. I just wanted her back home. Why couldn’t she be back home.
“That’s for the best,” she said quietly.
