The night skyline was lined with lights from the city, but otherwise, it was quiet and the light wind blew over my body.
The door was firmly closed, and It wasn’t a huge concern if I couldn’t get it opened again as I took steps farther on the roof. I hated heights, though. There was no doubt about that. I was fine on the balcony, but here with no railing, frightened me to the core.
I walked around a bit and found a place that would work good enough to sit and lean against. The floor was smooth, even covered in a light sheen of dirt. It didn’t bother me as I sat, looking off into the darkness. I was just . . . tired. Tired of everything.
I knew for years that I never fit it. My parents always seemed to be different, and not just because they were forced to marry one another. That was part of it, but there was something else. I had asked a few times when the idea that I wasn’t theirs came up. Father had such darker skin, and I was so light. Mom had lighter skin, but still not as light as my own. I didn’t even look like them, for Heaven’s sake!
They always said I was their child, born and raised. Mother would give me this look that said to not push the issue, and I would drop it. Could I possibly really be adopted? Was my entire life a lie? I no longer knew who I was. Was my name even real?
I have no idea how long I sat there, lost in thought. My butt became numb, but it was better than facing the truth. At least for now. What was I going to do? Did I have a choice?
I let my head lean back, closing my eyes. I was done. Done with life. Done with trying to be someone I knew I wasn’t.
I jumped, startled, letting my eyes snap open as the door was banged opened. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, and if the timing wasn’t so off, it would have been a sight to see. I always enjoyed watching the sunrise. It was the one thing I got to like without any influence.
I heard footsteps walk around, but they didn’t come towards where I sat, so I stared off into the distance, watching as the sky became brighter by the minute. I felt . . . . empty. Maybe my body just knew. Knew what was to come and what would happen to me.
A shadow fell over me a few minutes later. I blinked. Blinked again.
“Avidya?” Zachariah’s voice asked softly. He kneeled beside me, not touching even though he could easily have done so. He seemed . . . . worried. He didn’t seem like the type of man to worry. Worrying about me was laughable. “Hey, sweetheart.”
I blinked again. I had nothing to say and nowhere to run to. God, did I want to.
From the other side of me, a cold water bottle was pushed into my unresponsive hand with the order to drink. I simply took a small drink of the cool liquid before nearly dropping it. Jonas caught it before any spilled while Zachariah sighed.
“Come on,” he spoke, “Let’s go back in.”
I blinked, letting my head stay against the wall. I had no plans of going anywhere right now.
“I think she may in shock,” Jonas whispered out.
“It’s something else,” Zachariah replied, taking his hand and placing it on my cheek. His thumb rubbing the tears that I didn’t know had fallen. Now that I knew I was crying, the tears came even faster as my heart shattered. Shattered for who I thought I was. Shattered for what would no longer be.
Before I could process what had happened, Zachariah pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. My face was in his chest as sobs shook my body. I couldn’t stop now that I had started, as all my fears and worries flowed as fast as my tears.
He didn’t say anything, just let me cry it out. I had no idea if I’d be able to reply, or even take in, anything that he said anyway. My heart hurt for what I had lost. But in truth, it was everything I never really had, to begin with. Everything was a lie, wasn’t it?
As I calmed, his hand rubbed up and down my back, soothing me even more. I had no idea how long I had been out here. So many whys were still unanswered, and I was sure that wouldn’t change anytime soon, either.
I kept my head against his chest, sniffling. My eyes were closed as my breathing evened out. I had no idea what would come, but I’d get through it. Hopefully.
