I can never discuss anything with Jack. He works most days and when we are at dinner, his PA is at the table. He treats her as if she’s one of the family and I often wonder if she is having an affair with Jack. They are always together, even though they leave in different vehicles each morning, her officeat his company is right next door. She organizes everything for him right down to what he should wear for the next meeting—all the things a wife should do. I need to do something and take my chance after dinner as Ruby stands to leave. I touch Jack’s arm and lean into him. “I’d like to talk to you. I’ll refill our coffee cups.”
I stand and go to the buffet where the coffee sits in a large pot beside the fixings. The aroma of the fresh brew fills my nostrils and reminds me of the time we sat at a little café in Paris. We held hands and he hand fed me spoonsful of lemon gelati. I believed it when he said he loved me. I sigh; life never turns out as planned, does it? As I fill two cups, I glance into the pink tinted mirror running above the buffet. I swallow hard when a distorted face looks back at me from behind my own reflection. My heart pounds as I turn but no one is peering into the dining room. Is Ruby spying on us? I beckon Jack over. “Jack, come and see this.”
He reluctantly gets to his feet and I point into the mirror but of course the other person has vanished. “I’m sure I saw someone in the reflection behind me. Can you see anyone or is my imagination playing tricks on me again?”
“I see you and me, Laura.” He stares into my eyes, his expression concerned. “What do you see?”
I laugh, what else can I do? He already believes I’m losing my mind. “Oh, I’m sure I saw Ruby peeking around the door. She doesn’t like to miss out on anything involving you, does she?”
“That’s because she needs to know everything about me, so she can assist me in my work.” Jack takes his cup and sits down at the table. “She is excellent at her job, that’s why she lives here, Laura. She takes the extra work from you.”
He doesn’t understand that saying things like that cuts me to the quick. I swallow hard and stare at him, trying to keep the hurt from my expression. “What do you mean by that?”
“Most wives of CEOs enjoy organizing and hosting dinner parties. I know you hate doing that kind of thing, so that’s why I need a PA.” He gives me one of his condescending looks as if he’s placating a small child. “Ruby makes sure I’m dressed for the occasion, and organizes my day.”
You know that look someone gives you when they figure they’ve won? The small confident smile? It doesn’t work for me. It just makes me angry and I slam my fist on the table. My coffee cup tips over and spins in the saucer, spreading brown liquid over the pristine white linen tablecloth. I love the look of horror in his eyes as he fixates on the spreading brown stain. “Does she take my place in your bed too?”
“I won’t dignify that with a reply.” Jack leans back and lifts an exasperated gaze at me. “I’ll make an appointment for you to see the psychiatrist. I believe your meds need adjusting.”
Seething, I grip the edge of the table to prevent me from slapping his smug face. “There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m just sick of sharing my meals with the help. I want you to fire her.”
“That’s never going to happen.” Jack places his cup in the saucer and stands. “The meals, well, I’m sure she’ll understand because as sure as hell, I don’t want any of the staff witnessing your violent episodes.” He grips my arm. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”
We mount the stairs and the musky old smell of the house suffocates me. At least my room overlooks the ocean and I can open the window and smell the salty brine. As we get closer to my prison, the portraits of people I don’t know and don’t give a damn about stare down at me in judgment. I can hear them whispering. “Laura’s been a naughty girl again.” I straighten my shoulders and walk tall, not saying a word. I’m not complaining but I refuse to comply. He takes me inside, sits me down and hands me my medication. I push them into my mouth,pretending to sip water and swallow. The moment he leaves, I run to the bathroom and spit them down the toilet.
I’ll wait a few minutes and sneak into the nursery to see my babies. My heart breaks as the click of a key turning in the lock dashes all hope. There is no escape from this nightmare.
SIX
PRESENT TIME
Willow
Needing to find a bedroom on the ocean side but not too close to the children’s rooms, I make my way to the opposite wing. I walk along the carpet running down the center of the hallway, the floor either side is polished to a high shine. It’s darker here than I expect, with only one light glimmering high above. I search the wood paneling for the light switch but the one I find only controls the single light. The row of highly decorative chandeliers must be controlled somewhere else. I make a note to ask in the morning.
Moving on, I open doors until I find a large room. It’s perfect but more of a sitting room than a bedroom. It must be part of a suite as the first door I open contains a lavish bathroom. I pause at the window. The view of the ocean will be spectacular in daylight. The glimpse of waves crashing on the sand under a witch’s moon is a delight. I turn away and look at the huge double doors with a small vestibule outside. The bedroom must lie behind the splendidly carved wooden doors. I move to the door, aware of the lack of light. Shadows cloak the area as I close my hand around the doorknob but it doesn’t turn. Sue’s wordscome to mind. This must be a restricted area for the kids. Why would a bedroom be restricted? It makes no sense to me. Maybe it has a balcony and Jack is concerned they might fall to their deaths.
I dig out the keys from my pocket and try each one. The last key slides inside and turns with ease. I’m not sure what to expect, perhaps another empty room, but my heart pounds as the door swings open. The air is thick, musty but with a lingering hint of perfume. I swallow hard and fumble for the light switch. As light floods a magnificent bedroom, I feel like an intruder. The bed is unmade, headmarks crease the pillow. A champagne bottle and a glass sit on a tray beside the bed. A red negligee lies in a pile on the rug as if someone just stepped out of it. This must be Laura’s bedroom.
Across the room, windows mirroring the family room below give a panoramic view of the beach. I turn slowly, unable to understand why Jack has left this shrine to Laura. It’s been seven years and he hasn’t gotten on with his life at all. I move to the bathroom, and the same untouched condition greets me. The next door leads to a dressing room as big as our current bedroom. Clothes line the racks. Dresses with labels I have only seen in glossy magazines or on red carpets. It’s messy, with discarded clothes tossed around. The dressing table spans the width of the room. Open drawers display glittering gold and diamond jewelry, watches and bracelets in a statement of wealth. This woman flaunted her fortune and held a total disregard for her staff expecting them to pick up after her. I look around in dismay. I’d be too embarrassed to leave a room in this mess.
I turn on lights and notice Jack’s clothes are there as well but covered in plastic. I venture inside and find a second door. I turn the handle, peer inside and find a light switch. It’s a bedroom covered in dust cloths. I stand in a desolate lonely room andtry the door to the hallway. It’s locked. They had separate bedrooms? How strange, when Jack spends every second of his night with me and hates leaving me each morning. When his wife died was it too painful for him to return here? I can almost piece together the night before she died. Had they left the house after a night of passion and only one returned? I close the door, leaving the sadness behind, and move around the dressing room. I see my footprints evident in the dust and a sudden chill lifts the hairs on the back of my neck. It’s as if Laura is watching me, judging me to see if I’m good enough for her husband. I shake my head, dispelling the thoughts. No one has been in this room since Laura died—and no wonder—the room is depression incarnate.
The dressing table is untidy with discarded makeup and dirty tissues all over. The laundry basket is full with items hanging over the edge. Clothes are piled over the backs of chairs as if Laura had been deciding what to wear. My heart pounds. It’s as if she walked out and time stopped, freezing this moment. I hear a slight sound and glance over my shoulder just as the door whines and shuts me inside. Fear grips me, I don’t want to be trapped inside this mausoleum. Breathing heavily, I drag it open, push it wide and peer outside. No one is there. I’m acting like a fool.
I ignore the overpowering feeling that I’m being watched and I walk to a closet and slide open the door. Inside, Laura’s clothes are hanging neatly, covered in plastic. I run my hand along them, seeing an overindulgence of expensive designer clothes from casual dresses to fur coats. Everything she wore is preserved. The shoes number at least fifty pairs. I walk along the rack and feel the silk of an uncovered gold blouse. Why isn’t it dusty? Dust coats the bedroom but not here. How strange. Does Jack come here to be close to his wife?
I throw open another closet door and cry out in shock. Inside is a mannequin in a wedding dress complete with long lacy veil. I swallow hard. I need to get out of here and slam the door shut. Rushing from the dressing room, I close the door behind me. I stand in the bedroom leaning against the door, my heart pounding. This isn’t keeping a loved one’s memory alive—this is an obsession.
SEVEN
With each step away from Laura’s room, I feel better. I refuse to look at her portrait. Am I afraid she might smile at me, knowing she’s scared me? Heavens above, I’m starting to lose it. I need to get a grip. A hint of fresh coffee brewing reaches me. Needing caffeine, I make my way to the kitchen. Sue stares at me when I enter and sit down at the center island. She raises an eyebrow and glances at Amy who is emptying the dishwasher, and they exchange glances in a secret language of looks between them. I’m an intruder, no doubt, and I don’t figure they like their normal being upset. I look from one to the other. I’m lonely and really need the company. If they’ll allow me, I intend to make friends with everyone. “I smell fresh coffee.”
“Yes, it’s ready.” Sue takes down a cup and looks at me over her shoulder. “If you need anything, we’re all listed on the house phones. You don’t need to come down to the kitchen.”
My mind is a shambles but I smile and push a long strand of hair behind one ear. “I enjoy chatting with you and would value your insight about the running of the house. I would have asked Jack but he’s not here. I lived a simple life before marrying him, and all this is new to me. I feel like a fish out of water right now.” I indicate to the mugs hanging on hooks in a line under theabove cabinets. “I’d like my coffee in a mug. The bone china cups make me nervous.”
“Of course, it’s your home. What do you need to know? I’m happy to help.” Sue places a mug of coffee and the fixings on the table before me. She gives me a stare from under her lashes.
